Disco Drag Idol

(Daphne, Julito and Marsha enjoying the show at Charlie Brown's Cabaret)

As promised, drag correspondent, Daphne Ruth Jenkins, was on the scene at this week's Atlanta Drag Idol competition to dig up all the dirt over at Charlie Brown's Cabaret. Under the protective watch of my humpy bodyguard, Julito, I joined my sisters from Drag-O-Rama to bask in the spectacle. It was a special treat to be graced by the presence of two sisters who have recently been MIA: Pinkie Jenkins, back from jet setting to all the finer trailer parks along the Northeast; Marsha Jenkins, fresh from an invigorating stay at Club Med.

Unlike the first week of competition, I was determined this time to stay sober long enough to perform my journalistic duties. Good thing too, because this week's show provided plenty of drama.

Gigi Monroe blew the roof off the place with her theatrical opening number. The performance started with a solitary cleaning boy sweeping the floor of a deserted nightclub. As the beat of "Funky town" grew louder, Gigi slowly emerged from the darkened past like a vision of 70's disco decadence. A cross between Leigh Bowery and Donna Summer, Gigi was decked out in a pastel checkerboard bodysuit accessorized with silver bra, pink hair and disco ball pig tails. Gigi boogied down between two checkerboard towers that matched her bodysuit and lit up like the dance floor from "Saturday Night Fever". As if all this wasn't enough to win over the crowd, she then demonstrated her enviable flexibility by performing a sensuous split to cap off the number. As the lights and the music dimmed, Gigi faded back into the past as the solitary cleaner swept across the stage once more.

I was completely in awe of Gigi's awesome talent. However, I convinced Momma Dale to introduce me to this lovely lady. Let me tell you, not only is Gigi a great performer, she's also a genuinely sweet person. This staple of Blake's, Nickiemoto's and The Red Chair confided in me that she recently celebrated her one-year anniversary of drag performance. Talk about a natural! She explained that she was originally inspired to get into drag by the film "Hedwig and The Angry Inch". As such, it's not surprising that Gigi is most looking forward to a Rock & Roll theme in the competition. Gigi admitted that she was most dreading Disco as she had never performed it previously. Well girl, you pulled it off! My new best friend explained that she tries to raise the bar for herself each week and that, "no one else pushes me harder than myself."

Alexandria Martin raised the temperature in the house when she treated the crowd to a passionate rendition of "Disco Inferno". Her giant conflagration of red hair and flowing black dress covered in crimson flames lit up the stage. The crowd responded adoringly and the judges acknowledged that Alexandria clearly was putting a ton of work into "bringing it" week after week.

The always-accommodating Alexandria also took a few minutes away from her throngs of fans post-set to chat me up. Alexandria admitted to me that she was relieved that last week's Broadway theme is over and done with. She's looking forward to the chance to do a country or gospel number. When asked if she has any advice for aspiring performers, Alexandria imparted this wise lesson, "always be yourself and be approachable." Hmmm, what about those of us who really are unapproachable bitches? Oh well! You can catch Alexandria perform at her usual haunts: Le Buzz on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and, "anywhere I can get a free meal."

Jade Daniels must have an entire sweatshop of third-world children sewing her costumes. Her original creations are always inventive and playful. This week's pink and black ensemble was no exception. Several times during the performance, Jade stripped off a layer, or rearranged an accessory to create an entirely new look. Unfortunately, her musical choices did not measure up to her fashion sense in the judges’ eyes. Her "busy" mix of 80's pop ditties such as "Let Me Be The One" and "I'm Looking For a New Love" had the judges wondering if Jade even knew the theme was Disco.

The same argument can be made about Angelica Diamante's choice of Chaka Kahn's "I Feel For You". However, Angelica is such an absolute sweetheart that we'll let it go...this time. Angelica looked stunning in a long v-neck black dress and overcoat. This elegant ensemble was perfectly complemented by a blouse, choker and earrings; all in silver.

Angelica is looking forward to a country theme in the competition as she is a huge Martina McBride fan. In the drag arena, Angelica's idol is Charlie Brown. You can catch this self-professed country music "fanatic" perform at many hotspots around the city including Nickiemoto's, Le Buzz and The Metro.

Another member of the Diamante family, Isabella, had a strong showing this week with "Action". Donning a slinky sleeveless body suite and Princess Leigh hair buns, Isabella exhibited the most authentic disco moves of the night. Girl can boogie down! Isabella's advice to young girls trying to break into the business is to learn their craft by watching the legends at Charlie Brown's Cabaret. Isabella can be found getting her groove on at Nickiemoto's, Blake's and The Armory.

Another highlight of the evening was Destiny's frisky "Car Wash" number. She was looking particularly groovy in her gold mini, white go go boots and fishnets. The crowd was on its feet at the end of her performance when Destiny whipped out a giant can of industrial strength hairspray and jacked her white afro up to outrageous heights.

At the end of the night, someone had to be eliminated. This week's casualty was the back-flipping diva Sonique, whose "Ring My Bell" apparently didn't strike a chord with the audience. However, Charlie Brown reminded the audience that all the girls would be invited back for a chance to win a spot in the finals.

Next week it should truly be a night of stars as the theme is impersonation. I wonder if anyone will have the nerve to attempt Charlie Brown or another of the regular cast members of the Cabaret. Now that would take some moxie!

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

My Bodyguard

After weeks of rigorous interviews and test-drives, Daphne's very own personal bodyguard has been chosen. As you can see from the photo above, Julito is a strapping young buck ready to take on any challenge his cruel mistress tosses his way. Loyal as a Chihuahua and hung like a stallion; Dannyboy and DJ surely knew what they were doing when they singled this one out from the mountains of fervent applications we received.

To celebrate, Julito and I took a brief vacation in Charleston, South Crazyland. For the first time in weeks, I truly felt safe in the chiseled arms of my protector. Girls, Daphne cut loose and got freaky! They had to air-drop more vodka into that sunny beachside community.

Luckily, Julito rose to the occasion in every respect. He certainly earned his keep, putting in tons of overtime with nary a complaint. I don't think I'll ever look at a Taco Bell big beef burrito the same way again.

Now that I have some proper protection, I'm free once more to pursue my burgeoning career. This Thursday evening, you can find Julito and me over at Charlie Brown's Cabaret. We'll be joining the gang at Drag-O-Rama to cheer on Alexandria Martin as she competes in Atlanta Drag Idol. If you see us there, be sure to say hello, and buy me a drink!

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Visions of Daphne

Due to overwhelming demand, I've agreed to post an online photo gallery. Be the first on your block to peruse the glamorous shots at Delightfully Daphne, a photosite dedicated to glorious images of yours truly. Once there, you'll find albums of everything from the Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess Pageant to the Vegas In Space Party. Check back often as this is a work-in-progress and is sure to evolve and grow, unlike the intellect of the current administration.

Also, if you have any creative photo session ideas, please leave me a comment. I'll consider just about anything as long as it doesn't involve extreme body piercing or squashing bugs with my high heels (sorry, all you crush freaks).

Hopefully, all these gorgeous images won't add fuel to the flame for my mysterious stalker. Dannyboy and DJ assure me that they are very close to deciding on the best stud puppet for my bodyguard. Assuming that Dannyboy and DJ have not completely worn him out, you can expect a post on the lucky boytoy within the next couple of days.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Diva Down Update

Just a little update to let you all know that Linda Hand Jenkins is doing much better. Her doctor has recommended some physical therapy. Hopefully, it involves the use of her beloved sling. She's also been prescribed some delightful new meds. Just what Linda needs: more "beauty pills"! Alas, it all seems to be working as she's back on her feet and has even returned to work.

In fact, I was speaking with Linda over the phone this past weekend while she prepared to open her bar, the luxurious Central Station. In the middle of one of my typically fascinating stories, I suddenly realized that Linda had gotten very quiet. I stopped to ask her if everything was alright and detected heavy breathing coming over the line. I nearly panicked thinking that she was having a relapse.

However, I quickly came to my senses, remembered who I was talking to, and shrieked, "Linda, are you getting it on while talking to me on the phone...AGAIN!"

Linda panted, "Yes, girl. I'll call you back later." CLICK!

Somehow, I doubt that was her physical therapist I heard grunting away in the background. Apparently, Linda is doing just fine after all.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Drag Idol

(Alexandria Martin and Daphne Ruth Jenkins pictured at the Inaugural Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess Pageant)





This past Thursday was the start of the Atlanta Drag Idol competition at Charlie Brown's Cabaret in Underground Atlanta. It's been several years since I last saw Charlie's show back when she and the girls were at Backstreet. That night had left a bad taste in my mouth due to the overly enthusiastic Cro-Magnons that were working security there at the time. It had been even longer since I'd made my last trip to Underground. The only thing I remember from that visit is the distinct aroma of urine.

However, our beautiful and talented friend, Alexandria Martin, had been chosen as one of the nine contestants in this by-invitation-only competition. Therefore, DJ and I plucked up our courage and headed to downtown Atlanta for an evening of entertainment and drama. There, we met up with the lovely seamstress, Catherine Jones. Cathy has generously donated a $200 gift certificate to her custom apparel company, Maganda Couture, for the winner of the competition. The Drag Idol also gets added to Charlie's cast!

First of all, let me say that Charlie's new space is a vast improvement over Backstreet. The club is spacious enough to fit a large crowd, but still cozy and intimate so you feel right there next to the performers. The crowd contains the expected mix of cute gay boy drag groupies and straight gawkers. However, the overly tweeky party crowd from the old Backstreet days is nowhere in sight. Also, the security presence is firm, but polite. I didn't feel like I needed protection from them. How refreshing.

My only complaint with the atmosphere would be that the sound system is still a little too loud and over-bearing. I can understand why it was necessary in Backstreet since they had to drown out the music coming from the dance floor. I guess they're still trying to block out the noise from the surrounding clubs. I'm just not sure that it's necessary to pump the sound so loud that the audience's ears bleed.

Charlie and her girls started off the evening with a couple of numbers before the competition started. I'm happy to say that Charlie is looking better than I've seen her in ages. Her recent sabbatical and gastric bypass surgery have done wonders for her. She opened the night with a saucy rendition of When You're Good To Mama from Chicago. As usual, she had naughty fun teasing the drunk straight people and flirting with the hot gay boys.

Heather Daniels "The Sex Kitten of Atlanta" is still a vision right out of a straight-boy's hottest wet dream. Heck, even Dana was chasing after her like a puppy in heat. He may be queer as a three dollar bill, but that boy sure loves him some jugs! Heather clearly returned the interest, giving Dana a wicked grin and purring, "You're a cute one," as he slipped her a tip.

Likewise, Shawna Brooks "Atlanta's Diva of Dance" can still knock a crowd dead with her kickin' bod and thrilling moves. However, your enjoyment of the rest of the cast will depend on your affinity for old school drag. If you want rocking, performing-on-the-edge excitement, it's the Drag Idol competition you need to see. These girls are hungry!

Alexandria wowed the crowd, as always, stepping out in a sparkling Maganda Couture original wrap. As the tempo to her song (What A Feeling from Flashdance) picked up, she whipped the wrap off and threw it in the air. Hilariously, it got caught on the disco ball in front of the stage and remained there for the rest of Alexandria's number. At this point in her performance, Alexandria began rollerskating around the stage and into the audience wearing a girlishly flattering pink dress. The crowd went wild with delight!

But don't assume that Alexandria can just skate her way to victory. The competition is ferocious. Several of these ladies are just brimming with originality and talent. I wish I could describe them all in detail. However, it was getting late and I was naturally on the brink of blacking out from a few too many cocktails. I will say that Jade Daniels really impressed me. She came out in an absolutely enormous wig, teased up into a fierce mohawk. Her attitude and confident stage presence mark her as a contestant to watch as the weeks roll along.

Sadly, not everyone could move onto next week's show and one girl had to be eliminated. This week's casualty was Jealousy. The skinny bitch was obviously the victim of unflattering ass pads. They looked like two baked hams poking out of the back of her tights.

Next week's theme is show tunes. It will be interesting to see how these talented ladies react when forced to push themselves out of their comfort zones. It's sure to mix things up. Break a leg (but not another heel), Alexandria!

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Daphne's Dos and Don'ts

Why anyone would take advice from an alcoholic, narcissistic drag queen is beyond me. However, I've received a flood of requests for a column on etiquette and beauty tips. Don't say you weren't warned:


Do enjoy a delicious and nutritious meal of fish sticks, macaroni & cheese and Cheetos in the privacy of your own home. (By the way, this recipe is best when all ingredients are mashed together with a dash of pepper or hot sauce just before consumption!)

Don't eat spray cheese on Pringles at Chastain Amphitheatre. (Yes ladies, I actually saw a young buck doing just this at the Tom Jones show last week. I was so offended I almost turned him down when he asked me on a date!)


Do binge and purge.

Don't forget your breath mints.


Do wear outrageous fake eyelashes.

Don't let those big-fingered bitches near your eyes! - Heava Beaver Jenkins


Do bring 'to-go' cups with you to outdoor festivals.

Don't let DJ hold yours unless you've had enough to drink and want it spilled all over the street.


Do give Daphne lots of vodka.

Don't give Daphne anything harder than vodka unless you're ready to be thrown out of the bar. (See photo above.)


Do fool around with your sisters' tricks.

Don't get caught!


Words of wisdom to live by.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

He's A Lady

Tom Jones was in town to give a little show over at Chastain this week. After a dozen frantic phone calls from Tommyboy begging me to attend as his special VIP guest, I finally gave into his considerable charms and agreed to be his date. It turned out to be a beautiful night as the clouds cleared just before showtime, leaving behind a clear and cool evening below the stars at Chastain.

Tom wooed the notoriously rude and jaded Chastain crowd with a string of show-stopping numbers. From the classic hits She's A Lady and It's Not Unusual to his current booty-shakers, Sexbomb and Kiss, the white soulman from Wales showed those Buckhead Betties how to get down and funky. Of course the highlight of the evening had to be that timeless paean to romance, Delilah. Nothing gets the ladies going like a ballad dedicated to crimes of passion, "Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take anymore."

Well, believe me, after a few hours of watching Tommyboy wiggle his money maker for the masses while crooning and growling like a Tomcat, I didn't know if I could take anymore either. At this point, the ladies (and a few men) in the audience were shedding all inhibitions, and undergarments. The stage was completely covered with a colorful (and decidedly aromatic) littering of panties and bras. I was completely mortified when my degenerate twin, Dannyboy, threw his 2Xist boxer briefs on stage, narrowly missing Tommyboy's head mid-song. Not to appear inappreciative, Tommyboy caught one of the more matronly looking pairs of panties and mopped his glistening brow with it. There was a veritable catfight in the audience when Tom tossed the soiled article back, replete with manjuice. What's New Pussycat indeed!

But when all was said and done, it was yours truly who helped keep Tom's mind off the Green Green Grass of Home. It was my pleasure to show Tommyboy a little southern hospitality. And while I'm not one to divulge my secrets, I can certainly say that everything about Tommyboy's visit to Atlanta solidified his reputation as a legendary performer.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Diva Down

(Daphne and Linda realizing they have no hope of beating Visa Decline)

This urgent report just came in from my crazy cousin, Glenda Louise, down in Savannah. Earlier this week, Miss Linda Hand Jenkins was taking a long overdue shower and cleaning out her dirty p#$$y when she sneezed and found that she couldn't move. I'm sure that Linda's first thought must have been that her nondiscriminating partying had finally caught up with her and that she had been shoveling powdered bleach up her nose the night before instead of the gutter-grade blow she usually partakes in. However, the truth is that Linda had slipped a disc. I fear it will be some time before Linda again graces us with her party-girl dance moves and joi de sleaze.

During her recent visit to Atlanta during Pride weekend, Linda had complained repeatedly about her back and a pinched sensation in her legs. I naturally assumed that it was from spending so much time on her back with her ankles pinned up behind her ears. Linda's version of the story is that she put her back out a few weeks earlier helping the dearly-departed Visa Decline's family clean out her apartment. That story actually does hold vodka: have you seen the size of those pumps Linda snagged from Visa's pad?

Well, this just adds another layer to the ever-evolving drama that is the Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess Pageant. First Visa is tragically taken from us; then Linda is put out of commission. I received a call from Miss Dolly Wood Jenkins that I better have my alibis in place. However, I had nothing to gain from Linda's downfall. Let's not forget, I placed ahead of Linda in the competition. Let's see, who does that leave? I just can't imagine who (Pinkie) would be heartless enough (Pinkie) to perpetrate these horrendous acts (Pinkie) on such lovely and big-hearted ladies (Pinkie). All I know is that Dannyboy and DJ better finish up interviewing the applicants for my personal bodyguard. When I last checked in they assured me that there were some enormously talented candidates going through the second round of interviews. Those boys are so thorough!

Please keep Linda in your thoughts and wish her a speedy recovery. Our cracked-out, drunken binges in Charlotte will not be the same without her effervescent smiling face.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Capturing The Crown

Hey lovelies!

I'm in a particularly cheerful mood today as I lie by the pool with a cocktail, basking in the after-glow of my crowning ceremony. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am now the current Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess!

Before we get to the main event, I'll fill you in on a few of the juicier tidbits leading up to the coronation.

Despite her best efforts to please her fan...I mean fans, my dear sister Pinkie Jenkins was just not up to performing last night. She recently had breast reduction surgery and has not fully recovered due to some rather interesting complications. Be sure to read all about it over at her website, Pillow Talk With Miss Pinkie D. Jenkins. However, she did make an appearance at the party to congratulate me on my ascension to throne. During one of her more spirited moments, she picked Marsha up as if she were nothing more than a Krispy Kreme donut and threw her in the pool. That pinkies built like a Mac truck! We wish her all the best and a speedy recovery.

We were all very disappointed that Ms. Dolly Wood Jenkins was unable to attend the festivities after all. Hopefully Pinkie hasn't sparked off a trend prompting Dolly to get her mammoth milk jugs minimized as well. However, we were delighted by the surprise appearance of a long-lost Jenkins family member. Marsha's deliciously macho brother, Stephen, arrived fully loaded. Apparently that stiletto pump didn't fall far from the tree. Faster than you can say Jaeger shots, Miss Alexandria Martin had that beefy burrito of manhood all slung up drag and Carol B. Jenkins was born. Carol looked so good, he was turning himself on. Despite his pleading, we wouldn't let Carol try on the cheerleader outfit for fear that we wouldn't be able to get him out of the bathroom.

I'd be remiss to mention that the evening wasn't totally about myself. It was also a going away party for Candy P. Jenkins and Cindy B. Jenkins. Candy is heading over to Switzerland to study baking with the top chefs. When she gets back, she's sure to make us all as big as she is. Cindy is heading to Valdosta to study something involving numbers. Sounds delightful!

In addition, Drewsifer was in town to get a dose of maternal bonding with Momma Dale. She helped provide the patriotic 4th of July spirit by singing a verse of "America, F#%K Yeah!" from the film, Team America, World Police.

The highlight of the evening was, of course, my coronation ceremony. I was introduced to the raucous audience by the ever-lovely Ms. Alexandria Martin. Momma Dale placed the absolutely gorgeous Peggy-designed creation on my head to the delight of all. A few of my more vocal fans called for a speech but I was so moved that there were simply no words to describe how I felt. Besides, it was hot as hell and I needed to get out of that damn dress!

Within minutes, I'd whipped off my frock, thrown on some fetching bathing attire and jumped in the pool. One of my more Esther Williams inspired moments is pictured above.

All in all, it was a momentous occasion for the entire Jenkins family. Miss Visa Decline left behind some mighty big pumps to fill. However, I'll do my best to conduct myself with the dignity and decorum befitting the title of Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess. I think keeping myself out of the gutter until at least next weekend should do it!

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Where's My Klute?

I finally watched Klute recently and discovered some shocking similarities between the high-class call girl character played by the enormously talented Jane Fonda and myself. From the minute I observed Jane sneaking a glance at her watch while a John pummeled away at her numb girlie parts, I knew I had discovered a kindred spirit.

Furthermore, it is revealed in this classic thriller that Jane is being haunted by a nefarious stalker who gets off on listening to recordings of her talking nasty to her clientele. Recently I received a mysterious envelope with no return address. On the outside of the letter, it said, "A Gift For You". Well, I naturally tore it open expecting a check, the deed to some property or at the very least some cash. However, all that was to be found was a picture of me receiving my first-runner-up trophy from Momma at the recent Ms. Beaver Creek Grey Water Trailer Park Princess Pageant. Granted, it's a glorious photograph which I've attached to this post. However, it seems to me that it's more of a gift for my adoring fans than a gift for myself!

My first reaction was that my dear Momma had sent me the picture. However, Momma received the same picture in the mail and has no idea who sent it. Spooky! I fear that my stellar performance the night of the pageant may have pushed one of my adoring fans over the edge and sent him into a nightmare world of raving obsession. I really do need to learn to be more careful with my talents.

To make matters worse, the bunny that I decapitated during the show disappeared shortly after the performance. I fear that this poor deluded soul may be pleasuring himself over its bloody corpse even as I write these words in a sick attempt to imagine himself closer to my awesome persona.

SPOILERS BELOW
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In the film, Jane's stalker goes onto murder several of her close girlfriends. I just don't know what I would do if my stalker started cutting a swath through my sisters in an attempt to get to me. Good thing Marsha knows her way around a sharp blade. And lord knows he'd have a hard time strangling Pinkie with all those chins to fight past.

In the end, Jane is saved by Klute, the pure-hearted investigator played by Donald Sutherland in the film. Where's my damn Klute? All I have is my degenerate twin brother, Dannyboy, who always seems to disappear when I'm around. At least his "roommate" DJ is always there to take care of me. Unfortunately, he tends to cut-out whenever a cute Daddy appears.

So, I'm currently taking applications for my own personal bodyguard/personal investigator. Please e-mail me your resumes. Include references, personal stats: length and girth; top or bottom. I suspect Dannyboy and DJ will be conducting thorough cavity searches...I mean interviews among the top applicants.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Greetings Groupies!

Hello adoring fans!

International performing sensation Daphne Ruth Jenkins here. I was inspired by my sister, Pinkie Devine Jenkins who recently started her own blog. I figure if that illiterate hussy can string together a few coherent thoughts now and again, surely I can sober up long enough to convey a few morsels of dish to my degenerate twin Dannyboy every now and again. Lord knows he's all about taking DICtation every chance he gets.

The big news this holiday weekend is that I'll be attending Momma Dale's festive fourth of July soiree. The Jenkins sisters will be doing a few numbers that are sure to be more explosive than any fireworks display. The highlight of the evening will be when I receive the Miss Beaver Creek Grey Water Trailer Park Princess 2005 crown. Yes, I will finally get my immaculately manicured claws on that baby. Truly, it is a tragedy that the original winner, Miss Visa Decline, was taken from us so unexpectedly. However, I for one can think of no diva more deserving to carry on the fabulous tradition. We adore and miss you terribly, Visa!

Hopefully, our latest sister, Miss Dolly Wood Jenkins will be making her premiere performance at the bash. I sense great things from that little trollop. Miss BCGWTPP 2006, look out!

Well, that's enough banter for now. It's time for a little nap. All those bloody mary's have given me scorching heartburn and I need to be primed for the weekend.

Be sure to check back in for more nuggets of naughtiness.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins