He's A Lady

Tom Jones was in town to give a little show over at Chastain this week. After a dozen frantic phone calls from Tommyboy begging me to attend as his special VIP guest, I finally gave into his considerable charms and agreed to be his date. It turned out to be a beautiful night as the clouds cleared just before showtime, leaving behind a clear and cool evening below the stars at Chastain.

Tom wooed the notoriously rude and jaded Chastain crowd with a string of show-stopping numbers. From the classic hits She's A Lady and It's Not Unusual to his current booty-shakers, Sexbomb and Kiss, the white soulman from Wales showed those Buckhead Betties how to get down and funky. Of course the highlight of the evening had to be that timeless paean to romance, Delilah. Nothing gets the ladies going like a ballad dedicated to crimes of passion, "Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take anymore."

Well, believe me, after a few hours of watching Tommyboy wiggle his money maker for the masses while crooning and growling like a Tomcat, I didn't know if I could take anymore either. At this point, the ladies (and a few men) in the audience were shedding all inhibitions, and undergarments. The stage was completely covered with a colorful (and decidedly aromatic) littering of panties and bras. I was completely mortified when my degenerate twin, Dannyboy, threw his 2Xist boxer briefs on stage, narrowly missing Tommyboy's head mid-song. Not to appear inappreciative, Tommyboy caught one of the more matronly looking pairs of panties and mopped his glistening brow with it. There was a veritable catfight in the audience when Tom tossed the soiled article back, replete with manjuice. What's New Pussycat indeed!

But when all was said and done, it was yours truly who helped keep Tom's mind off the Green Green Grass of Home. It was my pleasure to show Tommyboy a little southern hospitality. And while I'm not one to divulge my secrets, I can certainly say that everything about Tommyboy's visit to Atlanta solidified his reputation as a legendary performer.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins