Daphne's Dos and Don'ts

Why anyone would take advice from an alcoholic, narcissistic drag queen is beyond me. However, I've received a flood of requests for a column on etiquette and beauty tips. Don't say you weren't warned:


Do enjoy a delicious and nutritious meal of fish sticks, macaroni & cheese and Cheetos in the privacy of your own home. (By the way, this recipe is best when all ingredients are mashed together with a dash of pepper or hot sauce just before consumption!)

Don't eat spray cheese on Pringles at Chastain Amphitheatre. (Yes ladies, I actually saw a young buck doing just this at the Tom Jones show last week. I was so offended I almost turned him down when he asked me on a date!)


Do binge and purge.

Don't forget your breath mints.


Do wear outrageous fake eyelashes.

Don't let those big-fingered bitches near your eyes! - Heava Beaver Jenkins


Do bring 'to-go' cups with you to outdoor festivals.

Don't let DJ hold yours unless you've had enough to drink and want it spilled all over the street.


Do give Daphne lots of vodka.

Don't give Daphne anything harder than vodka unless you're ready to be thrown out of the bar. (See photo above.)


Do fool around with your sisters' tricks.

Don't get caught!


Words of wisdom to live by.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins