Capturing The Crown

Hey lovelies!

I'm in a particularly cheerful mood today as I lie by the pool with a cocktail, basking in the after-glow of my crowning ceremony. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am now the current Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess!

Before we get to the main event, I'll fill you in on a few of the juicier tidbits leading up to the coronation.

Despite her best efforts to please her fan...I mean fans, my dear sister Pinkie Jenkins was just not up to performing last night. She recently had breast reduction surgery and has not fully recovered due to some rather interesting complications. Be sure to read all about it over at her website, Pillow Talk With Miss Pinkie D. Jenkins. However, she did make an appearance at the party to congratulate me on my ascension to throne. During one of her more spirited moments, she picked Marsha up as if she were nothing more than a Krispy Kreme donut and threw her in the pool. That pinkies built like a Mac truck! We wish her all the best and a speedy recovery.

We were all very disappointed that Ms. Dolly Wood Jenkins was unable to attend the festivities after all. Hopefully Pinkie hasn't sparked off a trend prompting Dolly to get her mammoth milk jugs minimized as well. However, we were delighted by the surprise appearance of a long-lost Jenkins family member. Marsha's deliciously macho brother, Stephen, arrived fully loaded. Apparently that stiletto pump didn't fall far from the tree. Faster than you can say Jaeger shots, Miss Alexandria Martin had that beefy burrito of manhood all slung up drag and Carol B. Jenkins was born. Carol looked so good, he was turning himself on. Despite his pleading, we wouldn't let Carol try on the cheerleader outfit for fear that we wouldn't be able to get him out of the bathroom.

I'd be remiss to mention that the evening wasn't totally about myself. It was also a going away party for Candy P. Jenkins and Cindy B. Jenkins. Candy is heading over to Switzerland to study baking with the top chefs. When she gets back, she's sure to make us all as big as she is. Cindy is heading to Valdosta to study something involving numbers. Sounds delightful!

In addition, Drewsifer was in town to get a dose of maternal bonding with Momma Dale. She helped provide the patriotic 4th of July spirit by singing a verse of "America, F#%K Yeah!" from the film, Team America, World Police.

The highlight of the evening was, of course, my coronation ceremony. I was introduced to the raucous audience by the ever-lovely Ms. Alexandria Martin. Momma Dale placed the absolutely gorgeous Peggy-designed creation on my head to the delight of all. A few of my more vocal fans called for a speech but I was so moved that there were simply no words to describe how I felt. Besides, it was hot as hell and I needed to get out of that damn dress!

Within minutes, I'd whipped off my frock, thrown on some fetching bathing attire and jumped in the pool. One of my more Esther Williams inspired moments is pictured above.

All in all, it was a momentous occasion for the entire Jenkins family. Miss Visa Decline left behind some mighty big pumps to fill. However, I'll do my best to conduct myself with the dignity and decorum befitting the title of Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess. I think keeping myself out of the gutter until at least next weekend should do it!

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins