Raucous Runway

I know that I’m a total Joannie-cum-lately, but I have just now discovered the sheer joy of the Project Runway phenomenon. Believe it or not, I never caught an episode of the earlier seasons despite the fact that I’ve heard that the corn dress (pictured at left) that I created for the Miss Corn Cobb County Pageant was very reminiscent of a gown from one of the earlier installments.

Lately, it’s become something of a tradition for me to get together with Peppa Roni Jenkins and Jaquée Jenkins each week to catch all the fashion atrocities in the latest installment of this absolute bitch fest. I have it on good authority that straight people watch this show as well. It must seem to them like peering into a catty, rose-colored alternate reality. Why, it would be like if I attended a Monster Truck Show.

The series is hosted by supermodel Heidi Klum who usually appears slightly numb and over-medicated until she has something really scathing to say about one of the contestants. I suppose this gorgeous German gal can be forgiven for the constant need to dub her lines seeing as the extent of my knowledge of her language comes from repeated viewings of Cabaret.

Much more natural on screen is Tim Gunn, a sort of fairy godmother to the contestants. Each week he pops in on them during their challenges and offers hilariously frank assessments of their work. Always dapper, polite and brutally honest, I would love to have him around when I’m preparing my next pageant dress.

The current frontrunner in the contest is Michael, a smart and savvy brother from my old stomping grounds of Hotlanta. I thought his winning garbage dress this week was totally over-hyped. However, I absolutely adored his ghetto fabulous, flaming pink, Pam Grier hot pants and blouse last week (pictured at right). He also had one of my favorite lines so far in the series when he said that he didn’t want to defend of the female contestants during an argument, thereby becoming “Captain-Save-A-Ho”.

Kayne, the flaming carrot-topped queen who nearly peed himself with excitement during pageant week, had an awful time with the challenge this week. His gonorrhea green garbage dress had even the unflappable Tim Gunn flustered. One would have thought he’d do a better job with the challenge to create a dress out of recycled materials after his story about dumpster diving as a child. Like we didn’t already know he was white trash!

For once, Kayne’s queeny sidekick, Robert, didn’t wind up in the bottom three. (Not that he normally minds being the bottom, if you know what I mean.) He must have been re-energized by all the cutting comments he made during the episode such as when he said Kayne would develop a rash after Laura kissed him on the cheek.

Speaking of Laura, the other contestants better watch out. This cold and classy New York resident has some real momentum in the competition. The judges are already saying that she has a signature look to her work. Unfortunately, I do find that signature look a little dull even if it is tasteful.

Of course, no one would accuse Angela of being too tasteful. This dippy, hippy designer had a rough start with the competition, failing to gain the respect of her peers or the judges. Surprisingly, she did manage to win one of the challenges with her Statue of Liberty inspired gown (pictured at left). Truth be told, though, that was a team effort. One wonders if Laura’s conservative influence helped tone down some of Angela’s zanier aesthetics. Only time will tell if Angela can stand as tall on her own two feet.

The absolute anomaly on the show right now is Vincent. How he has squeaked by week after week without getting booted can only be explained by the fact that the producers must think he makes good television. The way that he repeatedly said that his latest ghastly creation was getting him off was truly creepy. I thought Jaquée was going to have a coronary when Heidi chastised Vincent, saying that, “there is a thin line between avant-garde and insanity.”

But alas, it was pixie-ish Alison who got tripped off the runway this week for her unflattering creation that made her waif-like model look like “plus-sized” according to Heidi. Oh, the horror! Granted, it was a serious misstep. However, she has certainly been more consistent than that whack job Vincent.

My favorite gown of the week actually came from L.A.’s edgy designer, Jeffrey. Despite his horrifically unattractive neck tattoo and even more unflattering hostile personality, I have to admit that his recycled gown (pictured at right) was daringly delightful and looked amazing on the runway. I totally think he was robbed this week by not winning the challenge.

That leaves Uli, who I predict will be the next fashion victim to go. I don’t say this because she’s a bad designer. The fact is, she’s been pretty middle of the road all season. However, she’s sort of forgettable and all it will take is one misstep and she’ll be expendable. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this show it’s that it’s better to be outrageous and awful than it is to be mediocre and unremarkable.

Hopefully, they’ll have a challenge soon where they're required to design a gown for a drag queen. I’ll volunteer to be the model any day. Step aside Heidi!

Smooches,
Daph