La Boy La Femme

(There are some dangerously strong winds blowing through Kentucky: Mistress of Mayhem, Hurricane Summers.)

I know all my rabid readers are anxious to hear what the drag scene is like in my new home: Looseville, Kentucky. Well have no fear; the art of illusion is alive and well here in Derbyland.

This past Saturday, I decided to take in the La Boy La Femme show over at the premiere performance venue in Looseville: The Connection. If you were under the mistaken impression that Kentucky has no gay nightlife, you need to drag your sorry ass over to this gay megaplex. It’s like 5 clubs in one with a little something for every taste: a piano/neighborhood bar; a locker room complete with dirty boys getting spic and span clean in glass showers; a dick dancer bar furnished with comfy lap dance couches and a roaring fireplace; a dazzling discotheque featuring the requisite dancing platforms and cages; and finally the biggest drag showcase I’ve ever seen, decked out with an absolutely gigantic stage, Vegas-style leveled cabaret seating and a beautiful balcony from which the adoring public can catch a bird’s eye view of the establishment’s fantastic performers.

When I arrived, the emcee and Mistress of Mayhem, Hurricane Summers had just taken the stage for her raucous rendition of “Red Neck Woman”. The thing that makes her interpretation so special is that she wears a Flo from Mel’s diner waitress uniform with a giant phallus that stands up to take your order when she raises her apron. Talk about service!

Next up was the Lady Illusion, Xandra, doing one of my favorite numbers, Gwen Stefani’s “Crash” (not to be confused with the overrated, pile of sh!t, Oscar-stealing film of the same name). Out of the entire cast, she was the one who most seemed like she could be a distant Jenkins relative in her fierce red and black costume that left nothing to the imagination.

The Supermodel Asia hit the stage with one of Marsha’s signature tunes, Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You Been Gone”. There’s a reason they call this gorgeous gal a supermodel: looking statuesque and divinely thin in her black leather pants and blonde Farah flip; if she turned sideways, she’d disappear.

The Connection’s resident dancing queen, The White Lady Syimone, was up next performing “Heartbreaker”. It didn’t matter that I didn’t recognize her song. With her black & white catholic schoolgirl skirt showing off those unstoppable gams, she completely won me over.

The Body Beautiful, Mokha Montrese, was off in Chicago competing for yet another title. Filling her ample shoes and bosom was the larger than life Robin Dupree. She completely owned Aretha’s “Chain of Fools”. However, the straight bachelorette party girls next to me couldn’t get past the sight of Robin’s mammoth mammories. They insisted that I tell them the secret to her impressive endowments. I simply looked at them incredulously and asked, “If I knew the secret to gigantic watermelons, do you think I’d be sporting these little nectarines under my dress?”

After this first set, Hurricane warned that the PG segment of the show was over and that it was going to get raunchy from here on in. She wasn’t kidding. Her next number was a medley of “Who The Hell Are You?” and Sweet Pussy Pauline. I haven’t heard SPP since the time she came to the River’s Edge on a holiday weekend and entertained the masses by sodomizing a few of the regulars by the pool.

Xandra’s second song was “My Lumps” by the execrable Black Eyed Pees. I may hate the song, but she did look fierce in a gold lamey ghetto outfit. I wasn’t all that crazy about Asia’s choice of “Bootylicious” for her follow-up number either. She did a great job, but it’s hard to pull of Destiny’s Child as a solo act. Don’t get me wrong, both performers are outstanding; I just wasn’t crazy about these particular song selections.

Syimone, meanwhile, showed the crowd how to rock the mic with an energetic performance of “Crazy In Love” and “Work It Out” from a Beyonce concert. There aren't many entertainers who can invite comparisons to a powerhouse like Ms. Knowles and come out looking this fierce.

Robin Dupree closed out the set with a double-bill of Gladys Knight’s “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” and “Midnight Train to Georgia”. She had me a little teary-eyed thinking about my old Hotlanta stomping grounds as she emoted these tunes to the back of the theater.

After the show, Hurricane and Syimone hosted their recurring Full Moon party in which drunk and impressionable bar patrons were coerced into dropping trou for a cash prize. From hairy to smooth; skinny to double-wide; there was a backside for every taste on display. I think I’m really gonna love it here in Looseville.

Smooches,
Daph