Desperate for Drag

(Artist Tray Butler's rendering of a desperate drag queen in the Atlanta area.)

I'm here with another breaking news story from The Blotter over at Hotlanta's alternative newspaper, Creative Loafing. It seems a young man attempted to steal a pair of knee-high schoolgirl socks from Junkman's Daughter in Little Five Points.

Junkman's Daughter is one of the absolute favorite shops of the Jenkins clan. They have a full array of stockings, from the aforementioned naughty schoolgirl variety to the peek-a-boo crotchless fishnets so popular with my sister Marsha. They also sell funky shoes, latex clothing and crazy corsets.

However, the jewel in the crown of this establishment is the wig collection maintained by master wig whipper, Craig. This is where the Jenkins girls find 99.99% of their unnatural colored hair. Craig is an absolute sweetheart and looks like he stepped directly out of a Tim Burton stop-motion animation film. I'm going to miss him so much when Velma and I move to Louisville.

Well, this story just tugged at my heartstrings. (Yes Pinkie, this cold bitch does have a heart!) To think, some frustrated drag queen was too embarrassed to actually purchase his fetishistic stockings (valued at $4.23).

So, let me reach out directly to the dear demented subject of this story. Honey, our Momma Dale has more drag than she knows what to do with. In fact, I know from experience that we've got a hot little catholic schoolgirl skirt that will go fabulously with those stockings you covet. Set aside that shame and come to Momma; I'm sure we can hook you up with whatever your heart desires. If I may be so bold, I even have a drag name for you: Winona Wyder.

Smooches,
Daph