Lumberjack Lovin'

All the hustle and bustle of city life was really getting to me, so Dana decided to take me down to luxurious Lumberjacks, a deluxe campground retreat in Armadillo, Georgia. I was a little skeptical at first, not exactly being the "nature girl" type. However, it turned out to be a weekend to remember.

First of all, the accommodations are much more elegant than the musty old tents I remember from my Girl Scout days. Our cabin had many essential modern conveniences: a microwave to heat up a late night snack; a refrigerator to keep the mixer cold for my cocktails; and an air conditioner to keep my makeup from running.

In addition, the resort also features a heated swimming pool and hot tub. Hell, they even have a bar and danceclub called The Lumberyard. Now that's my kind of campground.

Not that our weekend in the woods was all whoring in the hot tub and bellying up to the bar: DJ and I did go for a lovely walk on the nature trails. We felt like the only two souls for miles as we wandered through the wilderness. It was mid-afternoon, so I had naturally consumed several cocktails by this time and needed to become one-with-nature. I stepped off the path to find myself a little privacy. Much to my surprise I started to hear grunting and snorting. My immediate reaction was that I had stumbled upon a couple of "naturists" enjoying a little "afternoon delight". However, DJ heard the same noises and started yelling, "Hey Daphne, I think that's the boar!" I've dated more than my share of pigs, but wild boar is not my thing. I hitched up my panties and hightailed it out of there.

In our haste to get back to our cocktails, DJ and I stumbled upon a sling in the middle of the trail. Maybe I do love nature after all!

That night, The Lumberyard hosted a Glow party. The boys stripped down and started smearing dayglo paint on each other. Ever the artist, DJ had the boys lined up to be his human canvas. There's nothing like liquor and blacklights to bring out a queen's creativity. We met many cute and cuddly boys at the event. One sweetie even offered to share his beauty pills. However, I remembered the lesson learned by my delightful sister Dolly Wood this past Pride and stuck to my dear friend: VODKA.

The paint was fun, but after a few hours, I had my fill, so I jumped in the gang showers to rinse off. At first I thought that someone had slipped me some acid when I noticed dozens of small objects climbing up the wall. But, once my alcohol blurred vision focused, I realized that there were, in fact, adorable little frogs all over the shower. I admit to having kissed a few in hopes that they'd turn into a handsome prince. What? I've put these lips on worse things!

The next afternoon, we woke up, mixed a few bloody mary's and hit the pool for some last minute fun in the sun. We made so many nice friends over our stay and took the time to personally say goodbye to each and every one of them. One bold lad even offered to be my very own personal sex slave. Take a number, sweetheart!

Alas, I am a city girl at heart, so we hopped in the Pussy Wagon and headed back to civilization. However, I'll definitely keep Lumberjacks in mind the next time I'm feeling the call of the wild.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Drag Idol - Heroes and Horrors

(The outrageous Alexandria Martin and the intoxicated Daphne Ruth Jenkins)

Everyqueen who was anyqueen was at Charlie Brown’s Cabaret this week to see who would claim the two guaranteed spots in the Atlanta Drag Idol finale. The three remaining contestants each had the opportunity to perform two numbers to win over the crowd. It was a night where anything could happen and the unexpected was richly rewarded.

The audience was a veritable who’s who of previous cast-offs from the competition: the talented Gigi Monroe; the spunky Sonique; and the lovely Angelica Diamante. Heck, Destiny even made a funky surprise appearance onstage, performing the Lil’ Kim role in Ashley Kruiz's “Can’t Hold Us Down”. These ladies were all business: scoping out the competition and evaluating what got the audience hot and what left them flat. After all, they each have the opportunity next week during “Wild Card” night to vie for the third slot in the finale.

What was working this week, was unquestionably Alexandria Martin. Apparently inspired by Pinkie’s recent foray into the emerald color palate, Alexandria’s first number involved a lime furry jacket with Skittle green hair. Under the jacket, Alexandria had a Maganda Couture original green bodysuit with elegant gold boustier. Her choice of songs including “Movin' On Up”, “The Facts Of Life” and “Respect” was proclaimed “perfect” by the judges.

Before you can say “personal best”, Alexandria topped herself with her outrageous second number. She started out dramatically singing Maria Scarey’s “Hero” wearing a patriotic American flag robe. Next, the theme song to “Wonder Woman” started as Miss Martin did her best Linda Carter spin, revealing a gorgeous Amazonian comic book costume underneath. Not stopping there, the music changed to Bonnie Tyler’s anthemic “I Need A Hero” at which point Alexandria doffed her breast plate to reveal a couple of saucer-sized red pasties. Alexandria naturally worked up a voracious appetite during all these exhausting costume changes and proceeded to chow down on a delicious hero sandwich during the finale to her number. Needless to say, the crowd was beside itself with adoration for Alexandria’s “Hero Medley”. It was really no surprise that she guaranteed herself a spot in the finale with that number.

Jade Daniels, meanwhile, provided the controversy for the night. She had a very strong opening number in which she appeared to have stolen a page out of Sonique’s book by performing a series of athletic tumbles and flips. I will never understand how these petite girls can toss themselves about like that and still look so fabulous! After her first performance, Charlie brought up the criticisms that have been leveled at Jade by a few of the judges and asked if Jade agreed with them. Jade admitted that she had learned a lot in the competition but said that she did not agree with the suggestion that she wear padding in order to give herself more womanly curves. Jade felt that for a pageant, that would be appropriate. However, in performance, Jade feels that her audience wants her to wear less and that “skin is sexier.”

Jade pushed the boundaries with her second number: a Linkin Park song with male vocals that she manically performed while wearing a straightjacket. Toward the end of the song, Jade broke free of her restraints, yanked some hip pads out of her costume and tore them to shreds in front of the audience. The crowd reacted with equal parts delight and horror. The judges, too, were torn; admitting that Jade had given a great performance but finding her actions at the end “distasteful” all the same. Apparently, being true to herself paid off: Jade received the most number of votes for the night and will be joining Alexandria in the finale.

That left Isabella Diamante as this week’s castoff from the competition. She looked like an exotic princess in her first number, but some felt that an overly long musical introduction hurt the momentum of her performance. Her second song, “Hey Mickey” didn’t really spotlight one of her greatest strengths in the competition: dance. As well, several of the judges commented on her cheerleader costume being a little too large and unflattering. As Charlie quipped, “You’re never gonna get a scholarship with a skirt that long.”

But don’t forget, Isabella will be back next week with the rest of the divas who have been voted off to vie for that coveted third spot in the finale. It’s sure to be a “wild” ride.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Wigstock South

(Daphne Ruth Jenkins, ready for a "Fight")


In honor of Peggy Sue Jenkins' birthday, Momma Dale threw a riotous Drag Yard Sale and Wigstock South Party last Saturday. In the afternoon, Momma opened her closets and let the teaming hordes rifle through her unmentionables. Before you could say "Blue Light Special" the polyester and sequins started flying.

When I arrived on the scene, the dainty Gigi Monroe was glowing in the same gorgeous wedding dress that was too small for every other drag queen that tried it on. Eat a cookie, you petite little b!tch! Just kidding...sort of.

Unfortunately, Gigi was voted off Atlanta Drag Idol last week to the shock of many. I wasn't able to make it to the Rock & Roll-themed night at Charlie Brown's Cabaret. However, I have it on good authority that Gigi was totally awesome, even playing along to "Hazy Shade of Winter" with live guitar. I demand a recount! Those other girls better watch themselves on "Wild Card" night when the contestants who have been voted out compete for the third slot in the finale.

At the sale, even Dannyboy's Daddy, visting from Fall River, Massivetwotits, got into the act, buying himself a couple of gorgeous frocks. The apple certainly didn't fall far from the tree!

Also on hand was Alexandria Martin, who was the most popular contestant on Rock & Roll night. Ms. Martin came dressed as a Krispy Kreme drive-up window teller and handed out hot donuts as she sang "Come To My Window". Apparently, the crowd couldn't get enough of her sticky sweets.

Once the sale was over, the girls got down to business and prepared for the wildly entertaining show in honor of Peggy Sue's birthday. Unfortunately, Violette "VD" Jenkins came down with a severe case of assholitis and was rushed off to the emergency room by Freak. Luckily, Pinkie Jenkins made a last-minute appearance, ready to take Violette's spot in the lineup. The show must go on!

First up was Linda Hand Jenkins, fresh from being crowned Miss Central Station. Linda dizzied the crowd with her multi-colored psychedelic retro-chic skirt. Fully aware of her limitations, Linda chose a groovy song with a great beat and absolutely no lyrics. None of that pesky trying to remember the words for this diva!

I was next up with Christina Aguilera's "Fighter". The crowd roared in appreciation as I flexed my bodacious biceps and pranced about in my custom-made sports bra that read "Daph".

I'm a difficult act to follow, but Head-Model Marsha B. Jenkins did a splendid job in a brave example of "suicide drag". She let Momma Dale choose her number without even letting her know what it was until Marsha was onstage before the audience. Taking pity on Marsha, Momma chose a nice safe Abba song. Marsha can do Abba in her sleep.

Much to everyone's delight Dolly Wood Jenkins made her debut next with a raucous rendition of The Dead Kennedy's' "Too Drunk To F#%K". And was she ever! Looking like a pre-rehab Courtney Love, Dolly Wood teetered over the edge of the pool as she guzzled down and entire bottle of whiskey during her number. All in all, an unforgettable premiere. I expect great things in the future from Dolly Wood Jenkins.

Pinkie Jenkins concluded the show with a heartfelt performance of "Watermelon, Watermelon". Or, was that "Stand By Your Man"? I wasn't sure. She nearly missed the opening of her number as she was grazing by the buffet. Ever practical, Pinkie simply grabbed an armload of chips and munched away throughout the performance. And did I mention her look? Pinkie broke from her signature color by wearing a lime dress with gonorrhea green hair. Just delightful!

As Liza Minnelli slurred when she played at Chastain last summer, it was like breathing peanut butter out on that stage. To escape the heat, all the girls slipped into bathing gear and jumped in the pool. There was more than a little horse play as DJ dunked Linda right under the water. Then there were two pre-rehab Courtney Loves!

Lord knows, Linda needed cooling off after getting all hot and bothered over Dannyboy's Daddy. All evening, she could be found cuddling up to Daddy and hiccupping like a Catholic school girl. Watch yourself, Linda: you don't want another unplanned pregnancy. Damn, it may be too late. From what I understand, Linda had a serious case of morning sickness the next day.

Well, it was certainly another memorable night at Momma Dale's. I'm really looking forward to this week's Atlanta Drag Idol to see if Alexandria can nab one of the two guaranteed spots in the finale. Check back this weekend for a full report.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Sadomasochistic Superheroes

(DJ, Linda and Dannyboy getting their hero on)

This past weekend, DJ, Dannyboy and I hopped in the Pussywagon and headed up to Charlotte, North Crazyland to visit the newly crowned Miss Central Station, Linda Hand Jenkins. I was eager to see my talented sister in order to congratulate Linda on her recently acquired title as well as her unexpected foray into motherhood. However, the boys had ulterior motives: the Sadomasochistic Superheroes themed Purgatory party.

Wearing as little as legally allowed, DJ and Dannyboy attended the event as "The Obviously Gay Duo"; not to be mistaken with "The Ambiguously Gay Duo", who also attended the festivities. DJ's codename was the "Blue Flamer" while Dannyboy went by "The Man Opener". Very subtle!

Not wanting to disappoint her swelling legion of fans, Linda decided she would throw together a brave new look and join the boys as "Her-Mafro-Ditey", champion of indeterminate gendered. A vision in blue spandex and mutated black afro, Linda was proclaimed by many revelers as the "real attention-getter" of the evening.

That's saying a lot, given some of the sights to behold at this comic book inspired event. Beside the gay duos, several other costume ideas appeared in two's: the hellacious Ghost Rider; the sexy Poison Ivy; and the perky Spider-Man.

My favorite male costume had to be The Silver Surfer. The cute bald Daddy who covered himself with silver body paint was probably the one person at the party wearing less than DJ and Dannyboy. And trust me, no one was complaining. I wouldn't have minded helping him get that silver paint out of all of his cracks and crevices. Yummy!

Shockingly, none of the ladies donned a Wonder Woman costume. I guess that's a mighty big brassiere to fill. However, one brave soul went dressed as Mystique from the X-Men films. She looked great in a itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie bikini, blue body paint from head to toe, and nothing else. I wonder where she kept her cash and id?

The best female costume, hands-down, was Dazzler. DJ and I screamed when we spied the D.J. wearing her perfectly feathered 70's Farrah-flip and silver jumpsuit, complete with disco ball necklace. She was thrilled and gave us major geek points for being the first to recognize her costume. Doesn't everyone know Dazzler, the disco queen mutant who can transform sound into light? What is this world coming to?

As much fun as the boys were having chasing straight men around the bar, they eventually decided to make a stop into Central Station to settle for slightly easier prey...okay, a whole lot easier! Before you can say "Avengers Assemble!" Linda and the boys invited a whole team of potential mutant superheroes back to Linda's Love Nest.

At this point, my vision was pretty blurry from the steady stream of cocktails. Therefore, I can't be sure what was going on in the backyard. However, I distinctly remember hearing lots of slapping and moaning. They must have been practicing catching super villains. Naturally, I blacked out face-first in a bowl of shrimp cocktail shortly thereafter. However, I understand that the party raged on for hours. I'm certain DJ and Dannyboy earned their superhero monikers before the sun came up.

The next morning, Linda showed off her babies. Apparently she had pulled them out of the dumpster where she left them the night of the Miss Central Station Pageant. It appears that Linda is hoping to make some cash off them; perhaps she'll sell them on the black market. That Linda, always so enterprising!

Linda is making a trip down to Atlanta this weekend for Peggy's Wigstock-themed birthday bash. I'm sure there will be more tales of wonder to share.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Viva Las Vegas Idol

(The uber talented Gigi Monroe and the deliriously drunk Daphne Ruth Jenkins)

Last week's Vegas-themed installment of Atlanta Drag Idol at Charlie Brown's Cabaret delivered on all the glamour that the night promised. Momma Dale gave me an extra special beauty pill and we headed downtown with DJ to witness the spectacle. Apparently, that beauty pill was quite potent as I was nearly accosted by Randy Redneck who insisted that I needed to be up on the stage competing with the other girls. We have a date as soon as his wife scrapes together his bail money.

Before the competition even started, I bumped into recent cast-off Sonique, who proceeded to deliver the dish. Looking sporty in a white and blue track suit, complete with an adorable mini orange backpack, Sonique revealed her strategy for capturing the title of Atlanta Drag Idol. As most of you know, the girls who are voted off all get the chance to come back during "Wild Card" night to vie for one of the three spots in the finale. Sonique revealed, "The other girls have it tough having to compete each week. I've got all this time to prepare." Naturally, she was a little tight-lipped with the exact details of her plans. However, she did promise to "mix up a little bit of everything" and hinted that she would probably throw in a little of her signature performer, the spunky Pink. I love a lady with a plan!

Isabella Diamante once again proved she's got the dance moves in the competition. How that girl can shimmy and shake to the beat of "Copa Cabana" while balancing that gigantic black head dress is beyond me.

On the other hand, Jade Daniels continue her domination in the area of costume. I may have been hallucinating, but I swear that the long train of fabric flowing from her wrists proceeded to snap into a huge fan behind her. The crowd went absolutely wild over this fashion feat. The judges also commended Jade for her seamstress skills. However, she was again chastised for not wearing hip pads. A girl's gotta have some curves!

Gigi Monroe, meanwhile, received kudos from the judges, "that is what a body is supposed to look like!" Resplendent in a great green and blue headdress with matching tail feathers, Gigi embodied the classic Vegas showgirl as she wowed the judges with her tasteful rendering of "Hey Big Spender".

Perhaps not quite as tasteful, but certainly over-the-top entertaining was Alexandria Martin's performance of "I Am What I Am". Decked out in a nude bodysuit with light-up pasties and a frighteningly large head dress, the judges accurately dubbed her "Divine In Vegas". Ever the showwoman, Alexandria capped the number by ripping of the head dress, her wig and earrings. Yes, Alexandria, you are what you are; and we love you for it!

Unfortunately, it was not Destiney's night to shine. The judges found her song choice of "Glamorous Life" a "little off" for the theme. The audience apparently agreed as Destiney was eliminated as the competitor with the least number of votes this week. But remember Sonique's advice, girl: it's time to start preparing for "Wild Card" night.

I won't be able to attend this week's show, but it promises to be a memorable one. Now that we're down to four girls, they get to do two songs each. The first is a song of their choice. However, their second number needs to be a Rock & Roll song. Watch for Gigi Monroe to shine in that category as she's been itching to let it rip with some good old fashioned rock. Hopefully, one of my sisters at Drag-O-Rama will report in on the results.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Desperate Drag Queens

With my busy social calendar and frequent public appearances, it’s difficult for me to find time for most television programs. However, over the years, there have been a few guilty pleasures that I’ve not been able to do without.

At one time, you couldn’t tear me away from the Fox Network from 8 to 9 pm every Monday for “Melrose Place”. I think it probably says a lot about me that I learned pretty much everything I needed to know about life, work and friendship from that classic ode to malicious backstabbing and adultery. The show featured an endless parade of divine bitch goddesses: the ageless ice princess Amanda Woodward; psychopathic psychiatrist Kimberly Shaw; scheming Taylor “Lip Lass” McBride; and the luscious Lexi Sterling Cooper.

Eventually all the cast members had slept with and/or double-crossed one another, so the show had to come to its inevitable conclusion. Luckily, I had developed a new obsession by this time in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. Despite my natural aversion to the vapid Sarah Michelle Gellar, I found myself completely sucked into Joss Whedon’s clever dialogue and the ceaseless atmosphere of impending Armageddon. Buffy and her equally enthralling spin-off, “Angel”, kept my couch potato cravings satisfied for a good many years until they too eventually came to their apocalyptic ends.

These days, I find myself hopelessly at the mercy of ABC’s delightful duo: the enigmatic “Lost”; and the deliciously campy “Desperate Housewives”. I was originally drawn to “Lost” due to its very unusual concept and the inclusion of LOTR’s Merry as one of the cast members. I became an addict due to the strong character-driven plotlines and the hot male castaways. The sight of Sayid in that sweaty tank top with his cocoa skin glistening in the harsh tropical sun and his dark banana curls of hair blowing in the breeze has me reaching for my “Handy-Dandy Back Massager 2000” every time.

On the other hand, the draw for me on “Desperate Housewives” is definitely the women. Not since “Melrose Place” has there been such a stellar cast of quirky female characters. My favorite among the lead characters is Bree Van De Kamp, played with perfect intensity by “Melrose Place” veteran, Marcia Cross. What fan will ever forget her climbing on top of her philandering husband in a hospital bed and purring that she’s glad he’s alive and that he still loves her because it will hurt him that much more when she destroys him. No other television actress does “crazy bitch” better than Marcia. If she doesn’t trump the overrated Teri “Susan” Hatcher at Emmy time, the voters need to get a clue.

My favorite among the supporting cast is Harriet Sansom Harris as Felicia Tilman. Felicia entered the show part way through the season after her sister, Martha Huber went missing. Felicia immediately made an impression with her no bullsh!t attitude and refusal to pretend that she was overwrought about her sister. There was no love lost between Felicia and Martha, “My sister was a real piece of work.” Felicia also provided on of the most rewarding climaxes of the season when she single-handedly wrested custody of troubled young Zach from Martha’s murderer, Paul Young. When Paul asked if he could at least say goodbye to Zach, Felicia glibly replied, “Now did you let me say goodbye to Martha?”

However, we are deep in the summer and it’s been months since a new episode of “Desperate Housewives” aired. In my desperation for anything related to my new favorite show, I went to the official website to see if there was something there that might sate my longings until the new season. Lo and behold, I found a deliriously entertaining poll called “Which Housewife Are You?” You’re asked a series of probing and deeply personal questions that reveal which character you’re most like.

I was initially shocked when the quiz revealed that I am a “Gabrielle”. Yet, the more that I thought about it, the more a twisted logic began to reveal itself. Gabrielle, is the gorgeous and vain, former model with a weakness for her teenage lawn boy. Lord knows I can be pretty darn self-absorbed. And, I do have an unrelenting taste for “chicken”. I’m starting to think that this quiz is downright scientific.

So, I’m asking all of you ladies to get over to the official “Desperate Housewives” website and find out who you really are. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy. Be sure to stop back and leave me a comment revealing the results of the poll. My guess is that Marsha is Bree, Velma is Susan, Momma is Lynette and Pinkie is Edie.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Miss Central Station

(Daphne and Linda sharing some sisterly love)

Those of you following the recent trials and tribulations of Miss Linda Hand Jenkins, detailed in the "Diva Down" posts on this website, will be enthralled with the most recent dramatic chapter. Like a classic installment of Melrose Place, "This is the episode that changes everything!"

Friday evening, about 3 in the morning, I received a deliriously drunk message from Linda; not an uncommon occurrence. Naturally, I was completely blacked out at this point, so the call went to voicemail. I awoke the next afternoon and listened to the message, unable to make out a word that train wreck was slurring. However, I did receive another call a few hours from that diva of Charlotte, North Crazyland.

Linda explained that Friday was the 7-year anniversary of that elegant establishment of libations, Central Station. It's a miracle that it's been standing that long without being condemned! Well, Linda decided that this would be the perfect occasion to make her first public appearance after all her health problems involving her bad back. Like a rebounding Liz Taylor, Linda squeezed into her sluttiest hot pink dress with matching hair and headed over to bask in some adoration. Linda had one goal in mind: win the title of Miss Central Station and claim that $100 cash prize!

After blowing poor Linda off for weeks, Pinkie Jenkins put down that turkey drumstick long enough to give Linda a call to wish her luck during the competition. However, Linda was in the middle of putting on her face and shrieked, "I don't have time for you right now!" CLICK!

When Linda arrived at the celebration, it was clear to everyone that there was more to her recent ailments than previously revealed. In her own eloquent words, "Linda been hiding sh!t from ya. You know all this back problem she's been having, it's due cuz she was pregnated and that's what caused her back to fall out." Poor Linda couldn't hide her dirty little secret any longer. She received an onslaught of inquiries regard her condition and everyone guessed that she must be having twins; Linda was big as a house!

Before long, the competition began and everything was going perfectly for Linda. This 'Baby Mama' was the center of attention and loving every minute of it. But right when that title seemed just within her grasp, Linda started to feel like the enchiladas she had for dinner might be trying to push their way back out. "I think the turtle's poking his head out of its shell," Linda charmingly confided to her dear friend and former Miss Central Station, Miss Tina Tantrum. However, Tina knew what was really happening. She got down on her hands and knees and helped Linda deliver two beautiful baby twin boys on the dingy dance floor of Central Station. Showing her blossoming maternal side, Linda beamed, "I'm surprised my babies don't have birth defects, but they're beautiful."

When questioned on the parentage of the babies, Linda was understandably unclear on the issue as one bundle of joy was white and the other was black. "Well, I think Greg (the owner of central station) is the daddy of one of them. Twan, that big ol' black daddy, is the other." When asked how the babies were doing, Linda replied, "I think I left them in the trash can."

Naturally, after this fantastic display, Linda won the title of Miss Central Station Hand's down. Of course, the $100 cash prize was retained in order to reduce Linda's astronomical bar tab. But hey, think of the (restroom) doors that a title like that is going to open for Linda in her career.

Unfortunately, there is a dark side to the title of Miss Central Station. It seems that the only other title holder still living is Miss Tina Tantrum. Former Miss Central Station, the legendary Miss Visa Decline, passed away earlier this year. Another former winner was found in a dumpster after a domestic dispute. Girl, this sounds worse than that Brady Bunch curse from the two-part Hawaiian episode. Be careful Linda, and don't go surfing anytime soon.

I'm confident that Tina and Linda will find a way to reverse the Miss Central Station curse. I'll be joining Linda next weekend in Charlotte for Purgatory, a super hero-themed fetish ball. The weekend after that is Momma Dale's Wigstock-themed birthday bash for Peggy. We all look forward to seeing the newly titled Linda make her Atlanta return engagement for this highly anticipated social event. How ever will she top her Central Station performance?

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

The Sultry Sherry Vine

(The Sensational Sherry Vine and Daphne Ruth Jenkins)

Dolly Wood's boy toy, Jeffrey, celebrated a birthday this week. To mark the momentous occasion, DJ, Dolly and I took Jeffrey over to Mary's in East Atlanta to see a performance by NYC singing sensation Sherry Vine.

Apparently word got out that some big city talent was appearing that evening because the bar was hopping for a Wednesday night. Besides myself, we bumped into other Atlanta celebutantes, Miss Patricia Lopez and the Queen of Diamonds herself, Miss Diamond Lil.

Well, the rowdy crowd was certainly not disappointed. Not only is Sherry stunningly gorgeous, but she also has a voice like a mythical siren. She sings all her songs live instead of lip-synching. And unlike when Pinkie sings, "Did I Shave My Legs For This?" it doesn't cause all the dogs in the neighborhood to start howling.

In honor of the Wednesday night show tune theme at Mary's, Sherry treated the reverential crowd to a set of Broadway classics and sexy standards. From Chicago's "If You're Good To Mama" to "I Will Survive", Sherry demonstrated a mastery over a wide-range of material. One of my favorite numbers was a particularly rousing rendering from "Kiss of The Spider Woman".

However, Sherry really brought the house down with "Corn", which Sherry revealed is based on a true experience she had crouched behind a bush in Central Park after eating some questionable Mexican take-out. Set to the tune of Natalie Embryo's execrable "Torn", this lovely ballad tells the timeless tale of finding those delightful yellow kernels flying from your nether regions when, "I know I did not eat corn!"

Mary's is not an easy venue to work, with it's long narrow corridor. However, Sherry is a consummate professional and managed to play to the cheap seats. During the final number of her set, she even pulled a Coyote Ugly and stood on the bar; much to the delight of the young lads standing below her with a tasty view of Sherry's candy.

Thursday night, Sherry was scheduled to return for a rock and roll theme performance. If anyone attended, I'd love to hear what it was like. She promised to deliver everything from punk, to glam to a little Gwen Stefani. Sounds like my kinda show!

Hopefully, Sherry will return to Atlanta and grace us with her talents again soon. She confided that her favorite thing about the South, hands-down, is the sweet tea. She also seemed pretty sweet on Dana as well, staring lovingly into his eyes during several of the more torchy ballads. That boy is a total babe magnet!

At the close of her set, Sherry announced that she did not have to get up early in the morning and would therefore be partying like the rock star she is for the rest of the night. There was also mention of a BJ sign-up list, which perked DJ right up. Being the star-f#!ker that I am, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to rub elbows with the drag-elite. As a result of trying to keep up with Sherry and the voracious boys over at Mary's, I awoke on Thursday in a Whitneyesque condition.

Due to my ongoing state of projectile-purge, I was forced to miss this week's Atlanta Drag Idol. However, Momma Dale reported in that it was another stellar night of entertainment. Alexandria Martin received a standing ovation from the crowd for her spot-on impersonation of Miss Piggy. Unfortunately, the sweet and lovely Angelica Diamante was sent packing this week. I promise to be a good girl next Wednesday so that I don't miss another nail-biting week of competition at Charlie Brown's.

The moral of this story is summed up best in the immortal words of Frank Sinatra, "I feel sorry for people who do not drink. When they wake up in the morning, it is as good as they are going to feel all day."

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins

Merriment at Ida Mae's

(Daphne and Pinkie sharing the limelight at Ida Mae's)

Those divine hosts, Gene and Ida Mae Boozer, threw one of their infamous pool parties this past weekend out at their country estate in Brassytown. I hadn't been to one of their orgiastic bashes since the holidays, so Pinkie, DJ and I grabbed our passports and hit the road for some OTP (outside the perimeter) excitement.

We knew that we had made the right decision to attend when we were greeted at the gate by none other than Miss Glow 2003, Wanda Peters. She and Gene were hanging out on the deck, talking to their friend Bob. So, Pinkie and I left DJ there while we headed to the Coke room to fix some much-needed cocktails. Girls, it's not what you think! Gene and Ida Mae have an extensive Coca Cola collection. What kind of party do you think I would go to? Wait, don't answer that!

The vodka hit my bloodstream just in time for the resplendent Ida Mae to make her grand entrance. Upon seeing I had arrived, Ida threw herself prostrate on the floor and wept, "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" As charming as that demonstration was, I insisted that Ida keep the idol worship to a minimum and get back on her delicate yet sizeable feet. After all, she proved repeatedly throughout the evening that she most assuredly IS worthy as she enchanted the guests with one fabulous costume change after another.

Despite the drizzly day, it turned out to be a lovely evening. Several of the boys decided to doff their swimsuits and jump in the hot tub. I didn't want to disappoint those eager studs, so I friskily hopped into that man stew and splashed around with a few of the more lithesome lads.

At most parties that I've been to, I've noticed that the guests tend to congregate in the kitchen. (Yes, guests other than Pinkie!) However, at Gene and Ida Mae's, everyone seemed to be attracted to the play den. I wonder if I can get a nice sling at Ikea for my pad! Apparently it's just the thing to spice up a gathering. Can't you just picture Peggy and I whipping out the hot glue guns and jazzing up those leather straps with some jewels and glitter?

Alas, even the most well-stocked bar eventually yields to the onslaught that is Daphne on a bender. Glaring through the bottom of an empty vodka bottle, I spied Pinkie standing forlornly over the empty buffet table. Realizing we had cleaned out our gracious hosts, Pinkie and I gathered DJ up from the nature trail and hopped back in the Pussy Wagon on our way back to civilization.

Thanks again for the lovely evening, Gene and Ida Mae. If you find a pair of leather studded bikini bottoms at the bottom of the hot tub, just drop them in the mail.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins