Lumberjack Lovin'

All the hustle and bustle of city life was really getting to me, so Dana decided to take me down to luxurious Lumberjacks, a deluxe campground retreat in Armadillo, Georgia. I was a little skeptical at first, not exactly being the "nature girl" type. However, it turned out to be a weekend to remember.

First of all, the accommodations are much more elegant than the musty old tents I remember from my Girl Scout days. Our cabin had many essential modern conveniences: a microwave to heat up a late night snack; a refrigerator to keep the mixer cold for my cocktails; and an air conditioner to keep my makeup from running.

In addition, the resort also features a heated swimming pool and hot tub. Hell, they even have a bar and danceclub called The Lumberyard. Now that's my kind of campground.

Not that our weekend in the woods was all whoring in the hot tub and bellying up to the bar: DJ and I did go for a lovely walk on the nature trails. We felt like the only two souls for miles as we wandered through the wilderness. It was mid-afternoon, so I had naturally consumed several cocktails by this time and needed to become one-with-nature. I stepped off the path to find myself a little privacy. Much to my surprise I started to hear grunting and snorting. My immediate reaction was that I had stumbled upon a couple of "naturists" enjoying a little "afternoon delight". However, DJ heard the same noises and started yelling, "Hey Daphne, I think that's the boar!" I've dated more than my share of pigs, but wild boar is not my thing. I hitched up my panties and hightailed it out of there.

In our haste to get back to our cocktails, DJ and I stumbled upon a sling in the middle of the trail. Maybe I do love nature after all!

That night, The Lumberyard hosted a Glow party. The boys stripped down and started smearing dayglo paint on each other. Ever the artist, DJ had the boys lined up to be his human canvas. There's nothing like liquor and blacklights to bring out a queen's creativity. We met many cute and cuddly boys at the event. One sweetie even offered to share his beauty pills. However, I remembered the lesson learned by my delightful sister Dolly Wood this past Pride and stuck to my dear friend: VODKA.

The paint was fun, but after a few hours, I had my fill, so I jumped in the gang showers to rinse off. At first I thought that someone had slipped me some acid when I noticed dozens of small objects climbing up the wall. But, once my alcohol blurred vision focused, I realized that there were, in fact, adorable little frogs all over the shower. I admit to having kissed a few in hopes that they'd turn into a handsome prince. What? I've put these lips on worse things!

The next afternoon, we woke up, mixed a few bloody mary's and hit the pool for some last minute fun in the sun. We made so many nice friends over our stay and took the time to personally say goodbye to each and every one of them. One bold lad even offered to be my very own personal sex slave. Take a number, sweetheart!

Alas, I am a city girl at heart, so we hopped in the Pussy Wagon and headed back to civilization. However, I'll definitely keep Lumberjacks in mind the next time I'm feeling the call of the wild.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins