Sadomasochistic Superheroes

(DJ, Linda and Dannyboy getting their hero on)

This past weekend, DJ, Dannyboy and I hopped in the Pussywagon and headed up to Charlotte, North Crazyland to visit the newly crowned Miss Central Station, Linda Hand Jenkins. I was eager to see my talented sister in order to congratulate Linda on her recently acquired title as well as her unexpected foray into motherhood. However, the boys had ulterior motives: the Sadomasochistic Superheroes themed Purgatory party.

Wearing as little as legally allowed, DJ and Dannyboy attended the event as "The Obviously Gay Duo"; not to be mistaken with "The Ambiguously Gay Duo", who also attended the festivities. DJ's codename was the "Blue Flamer" while Dannyboy went by "The Man Opener". Very subtle!

Not wanting to disappoint her swelling legion of fans, Linda decided she would throw together a brave new look and join the boys as "Her-Mafro-Ditey", champion of indeterminate gendered. A vision in blue spandex and mutated black afro, Linda was proclaimed by many revelers as the "real attention-getter" of the evening.

That's saying a lot, given some of the sights to behold at this comic book inspired event. Beside the gay duos, several other costume ideas appeared in two's: the hellacious Ghost Rider; the sexy Poison Ivy; and the perky Spider-Man.

My favorite male costume had to be The Silver Surfer. The cute bald Daddy who covered himself with silver body paint was probably the one person at the party wearing less than DJ and Dannyboy. And trust me, no one was complaining. I wouldn't have minded helping him get that silver paint out of all of his cracks and crevices. Yummy!

Shockingly, none of the ladies donned a Wonder Woman costume. I guess that's a mighty big brassiere to fill. However, one brave soul went dressed as Mystique from the X-Men films. She looked great in a itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie bikini, blue body paint from head to toe, and nothing else. I wonder where she kept her cash and id?

The best female costume, hands-down, was Dazzler. DJ and I screamed when we spied the D.J. wearing her perfectly feathered 70's Farrah-flip and silver jumpsuit, complete with disco ball necklace. She was thrilled and gave us major geek points for being the first to recognize her costume. Doesn't everyone know Dazzler, the disco queen mutant who can transform sound into light? What is this world coming to?

As much fun as the boys were having chasing straight men around the bar, they eventually decided to make a stop into Central Station to settle for slightly easier prey...okay, a whole lot easier! Before you can say "Avengers Assemble!" Linda and the boys invited a whole team of potential mutant superheroes back to Linda's Love Nest.

At this point, my vision was pretty blurry from the steady stream of cocktails. Therefore, I can't be sure what was going on in the backyard. However, I distinctly remember hearing lots of slapping and moaning. They must have been practicing catching super villains. Naturally, I blacked out face-first in a bowl of shrimp cocktail shortly thereafter. However, I understand that the party raged on for hours. I'm certain DJ and Dannyboy earned their superhero monikers before the sun came up.

The next morning, Linda showed off her babies. Apparently she had pulled them out of the dumpster where she left them the night of the Miss Central Station Pageant. It appears that Linda is hoping to make some cash off them; perhaps she'll sell them on the black market. That Linda, always so enterprising!

Linda is making a trip down to Atlanta this weekend for Peggy's Wigstock-themed birthday bash. I'm sure there will be more tales of wonder to share.

Smooches,
Daphne Ruth Jenkins