Viva Varla

(Dannyboy, Varla Jean Merman and Kevin livin' large at Jarfi's Bistro in Looseville, KY.)

One of my idols and biggest inspirations, Varla Jean Merman, visited Looseville as part of LEO’s A Little Off Center. This is the same theater series that brought the fantastic film auteur John Waters to town back in November.

Varla is an amazing actress and chanteuse who is rumored to be the love child of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman. It’s no surprise given that kind of esteemed lineage that she would be such a talented performer.

While Varla is a native of N’awlins, I originally discovered her years back during my many visits to Provincetown, Massachusetts. I can’t think of another entertainer who exudes such an aura of class while simultaneously singing and ingesting an entire can of spray cheese.

My next exposure to this mad genius was the maniacal movie Girls Will Be Girls. In this cinematic classic, Varla portrays a bright-eyed ingénue breaking into Hollywood the old fashioned way: prostitution. The film also stars the crazy Coco Peru of Trick fame and the ever-aging Evie Harris. It is without question my favorite dragtastic film of all time.

The show here in Loosevile was an absolute scene. There were so many queens in attendance, Dannyboy and Kevin commented that they felt like they were at the local YMCA. Of course, I'm a little surprised that they were able to recognize anyone with their clothes on.

Varla’s new show is called “Anatomically Incorrect”. Each song is about the body. The overall theme of the night was, “Is your hole larger than the sum of your parts?” Varla presented lots of new material including her own version of “My Humps” complete with a spitting camel costume. The final squirrel costume was a huge hit with the audience as well.

Varla did dust off a few of her classics as well. She treated the audience to a spirited reading of her "School House Rock" medley. Despite rumors to the contrary, I can confirm that Varla does in fact still employ spray cheese in her act. It was all I could do not to rush the stage and lock my lips around that tangy stream of cheesy goodness.

Jarfi’s Bistro hosted an after-party in Valra’s honor. The guest of honor even showed up to mingle, sign autographs and sell her latest collection of videos. It was such an honor to actually stalk…I mean to meet someone that I hold in such high esteem. Hopefully, she’ll remove that restraining order soon so that I’ll have the opportunity to see her again some time.

In the meantime, I’ve posted one of her visionary videos so that you can get a feel for what a unique performer she really is. If you get a chance to catch this lovely lady during one of her live performances, don’t miss out.

Varla Jean Merman - "Breathe"



Smooches,
Daph