Bad Education

If you've never seen a Pedro Almodovar film, you really need to expand your horizons beyond Sandra Bullock and Adam Sandler. This astoundingly talented director has made a career out of constructing daring movies that defy expectations and challenge viewers. His early films like Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown and Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! were noted for their sensuality and were populated with the types of characters American audiences weren't used to seeing at the local multiplex: porn stars, criminals, mental patients, bisexuals, sadists and masochists.

His recent films such as All About My Mother and Talk To Her (which garnered a Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Pedro) seemed fixated on divas of every walk of life: domineering mothers; glamorous actresses; transgendered prostitutes; and even female bull fighters. Pedro's latest walk on the wild side, Bad Education, continues this trend by featuring several transsexuals and drag queens.

Pedro has an eye for hot up-and-coming male talent. After all, he was the director that introduced the world to Antonio Banderas in bondage for Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! It's not surprising, therefore, that Pedro chose the gorgeous Gael Garcia Bernal in the pivotal role of Angel. Those of you who lusted after Gael in Y tu mamá también for his boyish innocence may be surprised that he looks so hot in a dress.

Oh don't worry, there's still plenty of man-on-man action. That's one of the things that I love about Spanish film: you're just as likely, if not more so, to see some scintillating male flesh as you are to get a glimpse of a naked women. Hey, nothing whets my appetite like the site of some juicy chorizo. Yum!

To describe the plot of this mesmerizing thriller would be a crime. As with many of Pedro's films, nothing is as it initially appears. Unlike your typical Hollywood fare, Pedro paints his characters in shades of gray instead of in black and white. As in real life, he populates his landscapes with people that are not completely good or totally evil. Instead, they all have the capacity within them for both. There are numerous twists and turns in this masterpiece that will keep you glued to the edge of your seat. Clearly, Pedro was inspired by the master of suspense, Alfred Hitchcock, for this bitter little shocker.

So, add this bad bitch to the top of your Netflix queue today. And, don't choke on your paella when you see the outrageous nipple/bush dress that Angel performs in!

Smooches,
Daph

Easter with the Jenkins

(Pinkie, Momma Dale and Marsha taking a break from their basket inspection duties to enjoy a round of refreshing adult beverages.)

There's nothing like a religious holiday with a gaggle of drunk drag queens! Easter is always a big holiday for the Jenkins clan and I am thrilled to report that this past one was no exception. The girls were out in full force to participate in Burkhart's Annual Easter Drag Races. Unfortunately, I was here in Louisville and unable to attend the festivities this year. However, my dear sister Velma reported in with all the juicy details.

As you can see from the colorful picture above, the gals were in true form, wearing their brightest Easter pastel ensembles. I'm shocked that Marsha attempted to wear actual clothing so soon after her last seam-splitting shocker. You have to admit, though, she looked rather fetching running down church-goers atop her robin's egg blue Vespa.

Not everyone choose to sport the traditional Jenkins style for this festive event. Take for instance the pixie-like Bambi Jenkins. She broke from the pack by choosing a daring avant-garde look: an edgy cross between Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta and Dame Edna.

The big news of the day was made by my ambitious sister Pinkie. After years of hard work and perseverance, she has finally acquired an official title. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Pinkie Devine Jenkins is the official Burkhart's Egg Toss Champion of 2006! It just figures that her title would involve food.

I have to admit that I was a little saddened at not being able to join in for all the revelries. After all, last Easter was my first official Hotlanta appearance. And what a monumental day that was: having cute boys ask me to assist them in the ladies room; forgetting my butt pads on the back of the toilet; losing my wig in a drunken stupor. In the immortal words of Jerri Blank, "Good times. Good times."

And yet, I'm just tickled pink that so many of my sisters were out representing Drag-O-Rama in such fine form. Besides, there are new adventures awaiting me here in Looseville, Kentucky. This weekend, Velma is joining me for Thunder Over Louisville. It's sure to be a blast!

Smooches,
Daph

La Boy La Femme

(There are some dangerously strong winds blowing through Kentucky: Mistress of Mayhem, Hurricane Summers.)

I know all my rabid readers are anxious to hear what the drag scene is like in my new home: Looseville, Kentucky. Well have no fear; the art of illusion is alive and well here in Derbyland.

This past Saturday, I decided to take in the La Boy La Femme show over at the premiere performance venue in Looseville: The Connection. If you were under the mistaken impression that Kentucky has no gay nightlife, you need to drag your sorry ass over to this gay megaplex. It’s like 5 clubs in one with a little something for every taste: a piano/neighborhood bar; a locker room complete with dirty boys getting spic and span clean in glass showers; a dick dancer bar furnished with comfy lap dance couches and a roaring fireplace; a dazzling discotheque featuring the requisite dancing platforms and cages; and finally the biggest drag showcase I’ve ever seen, decked out with an absolutely gigantic stage, Vegas-style leveled cabaret seating and a beautiful balcony from which the adoring public can catch a bird’s eye view of the establishment’s fantastic performers.

When I arrived, the emcee and Mistress of Mayhem, Hurricane Summers had just taken the stage for her raucous rendition of “Red Neck Woman”. The thing that makes her interpretation so special is that she wears a Flo from Mel’s diner waitress uniform with a giant phallus that stands up to take your order when she raises her apron. Talk about service!

Next up was the Lady Illusion, Xandra, doing one of my favorite numbers, Gwen Stefani’s “Crash” (not to be confused with the overrated, pile of sh!t, Oscar-stealing film of the same name). Out of the entire cast, she was the one who most seemed like she could be a distant Jenkins relative in her fierce red and black costume that left nothing to the imagination.

The Supermodel Asia hit the stage with one of Marsha’s signature tunes, Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You Been Gone”. There’s a reason they call this gorgeous gal a supermodel: looking statuesque and divinely thin in her black leather pants and blonde Farah flip; if she turned sideways, she’d disappear.

The Connection’s resident dancing queen, The White Lady Syimone, was up next performing “Heartbreaker”. It didn’t matter that I didn’t recognize her song. With her black & white catholic schoolgirl skirt showing off those unstoppable gams, she completely won me over.

The Body Beautiful, Mokha Montrese, was off in Chicago competing for yet another title. Filling her ample shoes and bosom was the larger than life Robin Dupree. She completely owned Aretha’s “Chain of Fools”. However, the straight bachelorette party girls next to me couldn’t get past the sight of Robin’s mammoth mammories. They insisted that I tell them the secret to her impressive endowments. I simply looked at them incredulously and asked, “If I knew the secret to gigantic watermelons, do you think I’d be sporting these little nectarines under my dress?”

After this first set, Hurricane warned that the PG segment of the show was over and that it was going to get raunchy from here on in. She wasn’t kidding. Her next number was a medley of “Who The Hell Are You?” and Sweet Pussy Pauline. I haven’t heard SPP since the time she came to the River’s Edge on a holiday weekend and entertained the masses by sodomizing a few of the regulars by the pool.

Xandra’s second song was “My Lumps” by the execrable Black Eyed Pees. I may hate the song, but she did look fierce in a gold lamey ghetto outfit. I wasn’t all that crazy about Asia’s choice of “Bootylicious” for her follow-up number either. She did a great job, but it’s hard to pull of Destiny’s Child as a solo act. Don’t get me wrong, both performers are outstanding; I just wasn’t crazy about these particular song selections.

Syimone, meanwhile, showed the crowd how to rock the mic with an energetic performance of “Crazy In Love” and “Work It Out” from a Beyonce concert. There aren't many entertainers who can invite comparisons to a powerhouse like Ms. Knowles and come out looking this fierce.

Robin Dupree closed out the set with a double-bill of Gladys Knight’s “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” and “Midnight Train to Georgia”. She had me a little teary-eyed thinking about my old Hotlanta stomping grounds as she emoted these tunes to the back of the theater.

After the show, Hurricane and Syimone hosted their recurring Full Moon party in which drunk and impressionable bar patrons were coerced into dropping trou for a cash prize. From hairy to smooth; skinny to double-wide; there was a backside for every taste on display. I think I’m really gonna love it here in Looseville.

Smooches,
Daph

Hollywood Hotties

(Hollywood hunk, Josh Hartnett, taking a stab at glamming up his image.)

If you had asked me in the late 90's who the hot male actors would be to watch for in the next decade, I would have answered in order of preference: 1) Josh Hartnett; and 2) Heath Ledger. While Heath has finally realized his potential with a landmark performance in last year's Oscar-winning masterpiece, Brokeback Mountain, Josh has yet to really come into his own as the cinematic leading man that his early performances promised.

I first noticed Heath on a short-lived sword and sorcery series on Fox called Roar. It was a great guilty pleasure that deserved to be given more of a chance to find its audience. Lisa Zane was absolutely bitch-tacular as the evil Queen Diana. Every week I would tune in to watch as she attempted to get her immaculately manicured talons on the hunky hero, Conor, played by the gorgeous and youthful Heath. I think the picture on the right pretty much explains why I was hopelessly addicted to the show.

Alas, the series was cancelled after only a few short months, leaving Heath to fend for himself in Hollywood. His first big role after Roar was 10 Things I Hate About You. I've never seen this updated teen version of The Taming of the Shrew, but I understand that it has its fans and was moderately successful. Heath probably could have made a fortune after that churning out a slew of teen romantedies. However, he chose to defy expectations and explored a variety of roles.

2001 was an especially strong year for Heath when he returned to his genre roots and starred in the wildly entertaining A Knight's Tale. He balanced this more mainstream film, though, with a small and nuanced performance in the hard-hitting Monster's Ball. This was probably the first indication that this teen heartthrob actually had some acting chops.

Granted, there were a few forgettable missteps in his career following this (did anyone really buy Heath Ledger as a Catholic priest in The Order). But, the power of his performance in Brokeback is undeniable. I love Philip Seymour Hoffman and think that his Capote is brilliant. However, I would have given the Best Actor Oscar to Ledger in a heartbeat. In years to come, we will look back on Ledger's complete embodiment of Ennis Del Mar as a treasure that stands up against Brando's Stanley Kowalski.

I also first discovered Josh in genre entertainment, playing Jamie Lee Curtis's deliciously hot son in Halloween: H2O. This is probably the only Halloween sequel worth watching and part of the reason for that is Josh's terrific screen presence. He's one of the few potential teen victims in the entire series that you actually route for as they get stalked by the unstoppable Michael Meyers. It would just be such a waste of a gorgeous guy. Interestingly enough, Michelle Williams, Heath's costar in Brokeback and real life, plays Josh's girlfriend in this thriller. She, on the other hand, had the audience routing for Michael!

Following this initiation into the big leagues, Josh seemed to be on the track to stardom, appearing in another reasonably entertaining horror film, The Faculty, and then stealing every scene appearing as teen god Trip Fontaine in Sofia Coppola's ethereal The Virgin Suicides.

But then something went amiss, starting with Josh costarring with Mr. Bland himself, Ben Affleck, in the crap-tastic Pearl Harbor. More questionable role choices followed that seemed to rely more on Josh's youthful yet masculine good looks rather than actual acting ability, including Black Hawk Down and Hollywood Homicide.

The one bright spot on Josh's recent resume has been a small but quirky role in Frank Miller's visionary Sin City. Unfortunately, Josh has another generic looking action flick opening today, Lucky Number Slevin. I was initially somewhat excited by the prospect of him working with the woefully underutilized Lucy Liu. The ubiquitous television spots that all seem to feature Josh flopping around in nothing but a tiny towel didn't have anything to do with my interest in the movie. Ya, right! But then I realized that the film also starred Bruce Willis and is being released during the dumping ground season when the studios know that they have inferior product that can't compete with the big summer fare. Turns out, Rotten Tomatoes is giving Slevin a lousy 53% rating.

And yet, there is some hope on the horizon for hunky Josh. We can expect to see him this year in Brian De Palma's thriller The Black Dahlia. De Palma's last film, Femme Fatale starring Rebecca Romijn, was an underappreciated gem. Dahlia also has an amazing cast going for it including Scarlett Johansson, Hilary Swank, Aaron Eckhart and Mia Kirshner.

Will this be the break-out role that Josh needs in order to show that he's got what it takes to stand among the celluloid elite? Probably not; but it looks like a step in the right direction. From the playful pics at the top of this post, it looks like Josh may be ready to show some real range by trying his hand at a really daring role such as a transvestite or drag queen. Now that would be Oscar-worthy! However, he'll need to start taking head model Marsha's advice and put his makeup on before he gets tore-up drunk. The lip color's fabulous, but the execution is leaving much to be desired.

Smooches,
Daph

Superstarlet A.D.

(Lipstick, lingerie and a huge automatic weapon; what more does the girl of the future need?)

Every once in a while a piece of celluloid comes along so delightful and depraved that it catapults itself to the status of cult classic instantaneously. The last film that did so for me was Vegas In Space. Velma and I enjoyed that drag-o-licious Barbarella-meets-Ocean's Eleven so much that we threw a wild theme party in its honor. Seems kind of fitting since the film was originally inspired by a fabulous party thrown by a bunch of wacky drag queens in San Francisco back in the '80s.

Well, I think we may have unearthed our next must-see for the Jenkins family film archives. Superstarlet A.D. is an estrogen-filled mash-up of Mad Max and Faster Pussycat Kill Kill. John Michael McCarthy's cinematic delight is set in a post apocalyptic future in which women have divided themselves into gangs based on hair color. Men have devolved into Cro-Magnons, forcing the ladies to turn to each other for love and affection. Blondes have nearly become extinct and lipstick is a treasured and rare commodity. Since there are no more gay men in this frightening future world, there's no one left to design dresses. Therefore, the women are all forced to run around in their underwear. It's like a sexy society populated with nothing but Marsha's.
The storyline revolves around Naomi, a beautiful brunette who disregards the class lines of this futuristic society by taking the blonde Rachel as her Sapphic sister. The two embark on a quest in the lost city of Femphis to find the ancestral burlesque film of Naomi's grandmother. Along the way, they come into conflict with the various competing tribes: the lethal blond Phayrays; the buxom brunette Satanas; and the fiery red Tempests.

The heads of the respective tribes are simply wonderful. The lovely leader of the Phayrays looks just like porn legend Traci Lords. The Satana's voluptuous boss has an uncanny resemblance to Carnie Wilson of Wilson Phillips fame. During hear insane songs, the Tempest's boss lady reminded me a great deal of Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters.

This films got it all: bawdy burlesque; manic musical numbers; s&m; blow-up dolls; lingerie; automatic weapons; jacked-up wigs; t&a; hot high heels; and more. It may not technically star drag queens, but you'll swear these girls went to Drag-O-Rama University. Add it to your personal collection today!

Smooches,
Daph