Farewell ATL

(The police lineup: Sheila Watkins, Deena Daintymouth, Prissy Cilla, Daphne Ruth, Marsha, VD, Bo Lims, Velma, Momma, Pinkie & Linda)

After nearly eight years living in Hotlanta, it's finally time to move on. When Velma and I took our trailer off its blocks and headed down here from the northeast, we were planning to spend two...maybe three years in the South. However, once we sampled a little of that southern hospitality, there was no returning to the cold North for us.

Alas, time moves on and so do drunken drag queens. At the end of the week, I'll be heading to Louisville, Kentucky. Velma will be staying behind to tidy up the trailer park and will be joining me shortly thereafter.

My lovely sisters over at Drag-O-Rama threw us the most lovely Bon Voyage party last weekend at their new home, the Hen House. Linda Hand and Bo Lima Jenkins even hitchhiked down from Charlotte, North Crazyland for the event. Linda looked disco-rific in a platinum blonde Farah flip wig. Bo Lima spent an eternity in the bathroom with head model Marsha B. Jenkins and came out looking like Mini-Marsha. According to Linda, Bo is the new and improved model. That may be so but there's nothing like the classic.

Apparently, the whole Jenkins clan was out to confuse our fans; Marsha decided to dress as me for the night. Get this: she wore clothes! Instead of her usual panties, bra and fur coat ensemble, she wore a smart retro USO pantsuit. She looked ready to raise the morale of our troops alright. Velma also paid a little hommage to me by wearing my cherry red Medusa hair. However, the rest of her ensemble was pure Velma.

Meanwhile, Pinkie and Momma dressed as each other. Momma put on Pinkie's orange faerie wig and kept pointing people to the buffet. Pinkie wore Momma's Vegas In Space wig and kept losing track of the conversation.
Once the sun went down, the stream of guests was incessant. Cindy Jenkins came all the way from Valdosta flanked by her fabulous Pussy Posse. Freaktavius was there with his love slave, VD Jenkins, who looked just like a young Carole Channing. Hello Dolly! Momma did a lovely job painting VD up. As Momma explained, "It's easy working with such a small canvas. Painting her entire face is like doing one of my eyes." Alexandria Martin blew through with a tasty piece of chicken on her way to another exclusive engagement. Even Gigi Monroe stopped by to wish us luck and to show off her new boy toy. I wouldn't mind playing with that for a while!

Annabelle Larue's half-brother Omar had to keep her locked in the attic. Apparently she hadn't taken her meds that day and had to be left at home. However, he made up for it by bringing us a lovely parting gift, Flippy!

Our crazy cousins, the East Point Possums also arrived with a very thoughtful gift: jello shots. Prissy Cilla, Shenita Lott and Deena Daintymouth really know how to keep the good times rolling. Beth had a similar idea and brought along a few bottles of wine. The fine vintage went wonderfully with the spray cheese toast that Momma made in honor of the occasion. Oscar and Bryan brought along one of the best gifts of all, their well wishes and their handsome mugs.
Well, before we got the Jenkins clan evicted from their new home, we decided to move the party to Mary's in East Atlanta. Since it was karaoke night, you simply couldn't keep the Jenkins girls off the stage. Velma started out with a transformative rendition of David Bowie's "Changes". Next up was Pinkie with her raucous take on Kenny Loggins' "Footloose". I dedicated my number to Atlanta and then tore into hometown legend Gladys Knight's "I've Got To Use My Imagination". We ended the set by getting the entire clan on stage to sing our signature anthem, "We Are Family".

Naturally, there was plenty of drama backstage. Marsha was being a little mean by taunting our petite and prim cousin Sheila Watkins about her dress being a little tight. The next thing you know, Marsha literally burst out of her outfit. I'm not sure if it was karma or if her body simply rejected wearing clothing.

I'm certain there were other guests of note and that I'm forgetting a ton of important events. But, what do you want? I was tore up! Good thing there's plenty of photographic evidence of our escapades that night. Check out Omar's post as well as the Possums's photosite for all the gory action.

Extra big smooches to everyone who helped make our send-off so outrageous. I don't know how Looseville, Kentucky is every going to compare.

Smooches,
Daph

Pourin' With Prissy

(Daphne Ruth fending off Prissy Cilla as she attempts to taste-test Daph's cocktail.)

When my lovely cousin, Prissy Cilla of the East Point Possums, announced recently on a Drag-O-Drama podcast that she had been named Cocktail Czar of Atlanta by Mayor Shirley Franklin, I knew that they had found the right drag queen for the job. I truly feel that with Prissy's relentless diligence our god-given right to terrorist-free cocktails will be protected (unlike our ports).

As I understand it, Prissy's duties consist mainly of consuming all open alcohol containers throughout the Atlanta region before they can be tampered with by un-American, anti-cocktail factions. Don't worry Prissy, I did my part up here in Louisville, Kentucky over the weekend. If you're thinking about setting up a committee, I hope you'll keep my impressive credentials in mind.

In the meantime, I received this riveting special bulleting from Prissy and wanted to share it with all my readers. I've added my own asides in parentheses.

LIQUOR WARNING

Of course this does not apply to me, but you may want to pass this on to other people to warn them. Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. (Sure, blame it on the alcohol, hussy!)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. (Like the time Velma "whispered" to me on a crowded Marta train to ask if I was flirting with the cute guy across from me.)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. (Aside from heterosexuality, that is.)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. (Why narrow it down to just your friends?)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. (This should be posted above the door at all karaoke bars.)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. (Okay, just be thankful the next day that you hadn't called your grandmother.)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. (Logic is highly overrated; as is any activity not requiring a little spit.)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. (What if you really are?)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. (As Visa Decline taught us, as long as they're laughing, it's a good thing.)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. (Right Marsha?)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. (Well, other than your sh!tty attitude, of course.)

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel DOOG (Right Momma Dale?)

Well, that was certainly enlightening, don't you think? I see great things in Atlanta's future stemming from Prissy's new position. Cheers!

Smooches,
Daph

Desperate for Drag

(Artist Tray Butler's rendering of a desperate drag queen in the Atlanta area.)

I'm here with another breaking news story from The Blotter over at Hotlanta's alternative newspaper, Creative Loafing. It seems a young man attempted to steal a pair of knee-high schoolgirl socks from Junkman's Daughter in Little Five Points.

Junkman's Daughter is one of the absolute favorite shops of the Jenkins clan. They have a full array of stockings, from the aforementioned naughty schoolgirl variety to the peek-a-boo crotchless fishnets so popular with my sister Marsha. They also sell funky shoes, latex clothing and crazy corsets.

However, the jewel in the crown of this establishment is the wig collection maintained by master wig whipper, Craig. This is where the Jenkins girls find 99.99% of their unnatural colored hair. Craig is an absolute sweetheart and looks like he stepped directly out of a Tim Burton stop-motion animation film. I'm going to miss him so much when Velma and I move to Louisville.

Well, this story just tugged at my heartstrings. (Yes Pinkie, this cold bitch does have a heart!) To think, some frustrated drag queen was too embarrassed to actually purchase his fetishistic stockings (valued at $4.23).

So, let me reach out directly to the dear demented subject of this story. Honey, our Momma Dale has more drag than she knows what to do with. In fact, I know from experience that we've got a hot little catholic schoolgirl skirt that will go fabulously with those stockings you covet. Set aside that shame and come to Momma; I'm sure we can hook you up with whatever your heart desires. If I may be so bold, I even have a drag name for you: Winona Wyder.

Smooches,
Daph