Animal Lovin'

In my quest to experience all the sites and sounds of my new home, I made a trip this weekend to the Looseville Zoo. Peppa Roni Jenkins was kind enough to loan me her hunky houseboy Kevin to be my official tour guide on this sassy safari since he has prior experience as a docent.

If you're wondering what the frick a docent is, you're not alone. Turns out that it's just a fancy word for a volunteer teacher. As Kevin explained, docents assist the Looseville Zoo Education Department in teaching classes to school groups, sharing information with Zoo visitors and helping “to better the bond between people and the planet.” Lord knows, that Kevin is all about "bonding". Apparently, docents also get to put the smackdown on hyperactive children that torture the animals by banging on their glass cages. Sounds so fulfilling!

One of my favorite animals at the zoo was the East African Crowned Crane. This crazy bird had some serious Jenkins flair. Why, just look at that roller disco hair she's sporting.

The other patrons seemed very impressed by the showoff of the animal kingdom, the peacock. I'm not sure what the big deal is; we have one of these screeching primadonnas running about the Highlands, my neighborhood in Looseville. They make a worse racket than Pinkie getting turned away from the buffet at Shoney's.

The Lorikeet exhibit was a total blast as well. For just $1, you were able to purchase a tiny shot glass filled with nectar and then enter their habitat to lure these colorful creatures in for a little cocktail. I'm not sure what the Lorikeets were so excited about; I had about five shots and never got so much as a buzz. Here's a picture of Kevin with his new feathered friend right before she showed her gratitude by pooping right down his back. Oh, the thrill of the wild!

Some people have phobias about snakes and spiders. For me, the scariest exhibit at the zoo had to be the dreaded staropotamus. This dangerous creature is known for its enormous mouth and drastic weight fluctuations. This is one predator that I'm happy to say was recently placed on the endangered species list. Just look at those fangs!

Everyone who knows me well realizes that I am a great animal lover: frogs, rabbits, ducks, bison. They all make fabulous menu items. So, you know that I'll be back to the zoo time and time again to research new recipe ideas and to get in touch with my inner beast.

Smooches,
Daph

Gal P.A.L.S.

(Daphne Ruth Jenkins getting ready to rock the crowd at the 9th Annual East Point Possums Show.)

After spending the past couple of months in my new home of Looseville, Kentucky, I was able to arrange a special deja vu weekend back in Hotlanta, Georgia. As luck would have it, Saturday, June 17 happened to be the date for the big East Point Possums Show. This P.A.L.S. benefit just seems to grow in size and scope each year (not unlike Pinkie's butt). This time around, the event was moved indoors to a venue called The Wagon Works. The accommodations were deluxe, including several dressing rooms for the performers and even showers in the rest rooms. As you can see from the picture of me getting ready before the show, the air conditioning was working just fine.

As promised, I unveiled a daring new number: KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and The Cherry Tree". I wore a glowingly gamma irradiated wig that I picked up that afternoon from Craig over at Junkman's Daughter in Little Five Points. It made me feel very She-Hulk. I even performed with an acoustic guitar for the first time. It was a total blast getting in touch with my inner lesbian.

My number was pretty early on, which meant that I was able to get good and liquored up while I enjoyed the rest of the performers. No, that's not Madge feeling me up. It's actually my gal pal Gigi Monroe giving me a helpful rack adjustment. Besides her amazingly limber take on "Hung Up", she also did a wackily wonderful version of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" dressed as Lucille Ball. Too bad she never shows any range.

The night was just full of hot girl-on-girl action. That's my dear pal, Keisha Lorraine in her racy NASCAR jumpsuit planting a big juicy one on me. A little lady liplock hasn't caused such a stir since the infamous Madonna/Britney tonsil hockey episode. Ironically enough, Keisha dusted off some classic Britney and wowed the crowd with "Oops, I Did It Again". What she obviously hasn't done again is hit the buffet. I don't know how she stays so svelte and elegant while the rest of us look like we've been inflated with a bicycle pump.

Speaking of which, I was literally knocked to the floor by Alexandria Martin's brand new bosoms. I'd post of pic of them, but I'm afraid that I'd need an adult verification on my website. Massive mammaries!

Of course, a Possums show would not be complete without a show stopping performance by Prissy Cilla. Her cheerleader medley had the crowd chanting for more. Here's a picture of us snuggling at the VIP after-party at the East Point Corner Tavern. As you can see, I really threw myself into the festivities that night. Good thing I didn't have any early morning commitments the next day.

Not that I won the "Booger Mess" Award or anything, though. That honor clearly befell my dear sister Bambi. She's been diagnosed with a rare condition that causes her to remove her shirt whenever alcoholic beverages are introduced into her sensitive system. The clinical term is "girlsgonewilditis". I believe this photograph was taken right after she mashed her hairy boobs together and slurred at the waitress, "Whaddaya think of these, Dorothy?" Oh, good times, good times!

Of course, I wasn't the only Jenkins gal to hit the stage that night. My sister Marsha performed yet another hit from the Kelly Clarkson cannon of perfect pop confections. This time out, she tackled Kelly's latest single, "Walk Away". At this rate, Marsha's going to be able to perform an entire concert of Kelly Clarkson ditties. No wonder she has such fans. Why, just look at the appreciation this tangerine hued groupie is showing Marsha after the show.

Well, the Possums really are to be commended for another job well done. The most recent tally is that over $6,000 was raised by this momentous event. Who knew you could have so much fun while supporting a great cause?

If you'd like to see more pics from that night, bop on over to Omar's site. As usual, he captured some of the most outrageous moments of the evening.

Smooches,
Daph